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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Self-discovery

See irritations as a GIFT for learning.

I remember years ago watching a client stroll in 25 minutes late for her appointment.

I saw her coming from quite a ways away as I was waiting for her at the front of the building. She would only have half of her one hour session left and she was paying (what I thought to be) a hefty sum for my time.

And yet, she walked. Slowly.

I remember marveling at this, because I knew if I were late, I would be sprinting.

I could almost feel my stress rise imagining myself in her shoes. I would be carrying 14 things, running while trying to manage it all, out of breath, apologizing profusely as I ran through the door.

But she walked.

Seemingly unconcerned about the money she was wasting. Unbothered by the short time she would get with me. Almost unaware that anyone else was affected by her tardiness.

As I watched, my astonishment turned into admiration.

Look at all that stress she is saving herself by not caring!

What good would it do, really, for her to run? It might save her 1 minute at this point and most certainly would add to her stress level.

Why on EARTH, when I can’t remember important passwords or where I put my phone, do I remember such an insignificant moment from probably 15 years ago?

Have you ever heard the saying, “People won’t remember what you say. They will only remember how you make them feel.”?

This client didn’t “make me feel” anything. It was my own self discovery that made the moment memorable.

As profound as it was, it didn’t cure me.

Years later I caught myself being annoyed by someone showing up late for a tennis date.

I was listening to some book at the time so had it on my mind to

A. NOTICE that I was annoyed and

B. ASK myself WHY.

Was I taking it personally? (Remember The Four Agreements?)

If other people’s actions bother me, that says more about ME than it does them.

I know that if I’m bothered by something someone does, “school is in session” so I want to investigate what I’m supposed to be learning in that moment.

The easy response was, “It’s disrespectful.” “She’s wasting our time.” “If we agreed on X time, she should keep her word.”

But again, all of this was about HER. Not ME.

There were 3 others waiting. THEY didn’t seem to care much.

What was her action triggering in me?

I exchanged my judgement of her, for curiosity for myself and it led to this epiphany.

I was jealous of her.

😳

I WISH I was able to just saunter on to a court 10 minutes late and not even feel compelled to rush, much less apologize to those waiting.

I would be in a state of panic, feeling horrible about myself and begging for forgiveness.

How FREEING it must be for her to just walk through life without much concern about what others are thinking.

I know some of you are feeling annoyed as you read this.

“But it’s RUDE.” 🤨 😝

I know. It is. But I truly believe we are supposed to be learning something about OURSELVES when we feel annoyed, bothered, or angry.

Imagine what we would learn if we truly viewed these inconveniences as GIFTS.

My getting curious led me to a discovery about myself that I should THANK her for.

I didn’t know I didn’t like this about myself… my rigid, uptight personality around time.

People “wasting my time” has always been a pet peeve of mine, and in that moment, I learned I’d rather be a little more relaxed around this issue.

It’s EXHAUSTING to always have to “be early or your late”…

I’d rather be more flexible. Relaxed!

I’m not CURED of this life-long peculiarity, but the discovery has allowed me so much more understanding when it happens.

I’m less bothered by it. In fact, sometimes I smile to myself.

The truth is, perpetually late people probably don’t like that about themselves either, regardless of how nonchalant they act about it.

This (being late) is maybe the wrong example to use but in general, if someone is “rude”, it is because of their own problems, not the person they’re being rude to.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

I’ve talked before about this “school is in session” concept. I may have even shared with you what I discovered when using it on my kids once.

I get really annoyed when I feel like my kids (or husband) aren’t listening to me.

I mean we all do, probably, but I get mad.

I investigated this once and learned why.

I was raised in a house with 5 kids. It was busy. Our parents did not have the time (or desire) for everyone to get a vote before making decisions. In fact, we were not often asked for our opinions.

When I went away to college, I remember my new found autonomy being a big deal to me.

I was so excited to get to call my own shots.

When my opinions, statements or instructions are ignored, it triggers this little child in me that felt unimportant.

It’s not my kids’ fault I have this little scar. But now that I know it’s there, I can take a breath before responding, because I know it’s not about them. It’s about me.

Let’s Work – the exercise

The next time you’re bothered by someone, ask yourself (ideally before responding)

• What is this anger about really? What is it about ME that finds this upsetting?

Because truly, someone in your exact same position, would not.

What one finds offensive, another would laugh about.

Why is that?

It’s because of some wound the bothered person has that’s being scratched.

Brene Brown talks about this in this video. She also has another fabulous self discovery exercise. Fill in the blank to this sentence.

It’s really important for me not to be perceived as ________.

I found this to be rather stunning as well. (So fun!) When I filled this sentence in, it made so much sense. I could explain so many flare ups in my life. 😆

If you respond to me and tell me what your word is, I’ll share with you mine. 😜

Self discovery gives you freedom. ​ “The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.” – Thales of Miletus​

Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Habits

You need to do less.

For a doer like myself, this sentence is liberating.

It’s permission to sit down. Take a breath. Be satisfied.

But our mission is to reach our full potential in spirit, mind & body.

Doesn’t this mean we have work to do? Mountains to climb? Goals to reach?

Sure. But truly, I want for you real, lasting change. We need to work smart, not hard. And there are truths that we might be ignoring in an effort to look busy.

There are so MANY parts that have to fall in line for us to completely thrive. Our sleep, diet, exercise, stress, thoughts, energy, motivation, etc.

We talked at the start of this year about the domino effect… when dominoes are lined up just so far apart, tipping the first one starts a chain reaction that knocks over all others.

There are many behaviors and habits that can set in motion a lot of other positive (or negative) momentum.

For example, if you’re not getting enough sleep, of COURSE you won’t want to workout. You will also likely make poor food choices throughout the day.

And yell at your kids. 🥴

So if this is the case, getting more sleep would be a smart domino to tip.

Perhaps you’re hormonal, or have a baby with colic, or just love to scroll through your phone until the wee hours of the morning. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The first step is to find the biggest area of opportunity. (Identify the first domino.)

The second is to break that down into small, manageable bites. ​
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Making a big change is tempting, but biting off more than we can chew is often unsuccessful & leads us back to where we started. 😖

Let’s talk about Habit Creep.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Think back to when you were in college, or when you first left home. You likely didn’t have much money so you bought Wet n’ Wild makeup and your clothes from Walmart.
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I actually shopped at Goodwill so I’m not judging. Just stick with me.

Eventually you made more money and your taste/shopping habits got equally more expensive. Bit by bit.

When you got a raise, you likely didn’t just increased the amount that went into savings (as my husband would suggest 😜). Most of us just started spending more on eating out, where we stayed when we traveled, etc.

We probably did not even consciously know we were making these little changes, they happened ever so slightly.

Can you think of any good or bad habits that have formed in much the same way?

Did you used to go to bed at 11 every night? And as you got older, you slowly started going to bed earlier and earlier until now you turn into a pumpkin at 9?

You maybe didn’t even set an earlier bed time as a goal. It just happened naturally.

Can you imagine how nice it would be if we could make new healthy, habits this easily?

Research strongly supports taking smaller steps to create permanent change.

In Atomic Habits author James Clear tells the story of a guy who lost a LOT of weight by first establishing the habit of just getting to the gym.

He literally did not allow himself to stay for more than 10 minutes in the beginning. It was the act of getting there that he wanted to create first. Then he slowly started adding 5-10 minutes over time.

Let’s Work – the exercise

A baby doesn’t set out with ambitions to run. They first learn to stand.

Then, it’s a big deal when they take their first steps.

What habit do we need to change, in order for other things to change too? What is your first domino?

Yes, the change won’t happen as FAST maybe, but it has a better shot of being more PERMANENT.

How many times have you tried to tackle the SAME DANG PROBLEM, only to run out of discipline and have to start all over again?

Talk to me. I’d love to hear what your first domino is and I’d be happy to help you figure out how to tip it.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Mind

That which you fear the most, is not that which gets you.

I love this picture. Looking down at them freaking out about me getting some blood drawn I could not help but laugh.

They clearly had no idea what I had gone through to make them.

I can’t even count how many times I had to have my blood drawn during those years of trying to conceive them. If I’d have been as scared of needles as they are, they wouldn’t be here!

I don’t mean to sound tough. There are plenty of things I’m afraid of…

Grasshoppers as you may remember. Snakes. Apparently bunnies on the loose in my house as this video will prove. (And this one.)

When CrossFit first became a thing, I did NOT want to do it. The thought of someone else being the boss scared me.

“What if they ask me to work too hard? What if I’m not able to do it?”

That’s my ego limiting me right there. Luckily, I eventually got over it and LOVED CrossFit for a few years.

Nadia is not afraid of much, but there have been a few things…

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Recently, we had an awesome dinner conversation around how easy they have it. Izak was the one to bring it up.

He’s watching all these entrepreneurs speak in a class he bought and he realizes, listening to them tell their stories, none of them had it easy. They had to overcome struggle. Many, large challenges.

He suddenly realized, his easy life may actually be a disservice to him.

Nadia was listening intently, as she often does, saying very little.

The next morning she was scheduled to go on a Glamping trip to the mountains with a friend. As I’d anticipated, she suddenly panicked when it came time to go.

She was in tears, begging, both her dad and I. Pleading not to go.

We tried to reason with her… “We keep our word. They are counting on you. It’s too late to find someone else. You’re going to have a great time….”

But also, “I see that you’re scared. I understand that.” Validation is key so she learns to trust her feelings.

BUT,

“You can choose to focus on the negative (being away from us, not getting to see your cousins, leaving your comfort zone for the unknown…), OR, you can take a risk. Do something scary. Overcome this challenge.”

Nothing was working

UNTIL…

I reminded her of our dinner conversation the night before. I reminded her how easy she has it. How advantageous it is in the long run for people to overcome their fears… to do the uncomfortable… take risks.

I wish I could have recorded her face. She was taking in every word.

Her lower lip stopped quivering… her chin lifted… her eyes narrowed in resolution.

She walked away, got her things, and parked herself on the front porch awaiting their arrival.

I’m not gonna lie. I was proud of my baby girl.

They were 40 minutes late. She kept coming in to ask what time it was and asking me to call them to see how far out they were.

I assured her they’d be there when they could be (you know how it is trying to leave for a camping trip), and back out she’d go to wait some more.

When they arrived, she brought her things to their car, chatting excitedly with her friend, and barely said goodbye to me as they drove off.

She had an amazing time. I suspect the true depth of the experience hasn’t even hit her yet. I’m guessing she will remember particular parts of her 2 nights up there for years to come.

And probably the most mundane of moments.

Maybe the wounds she came back with from falling playing hide and seek with other kid campers in the dark. Maybe how cold it was, how light it was so early, how she didn’t get any sleep…

These memories, that don’t seem like highlights, will be what she remembers because that’s how life is!

We will barely remember Disneyland, if at all. We may not remember the outfit we BEGGED our mom to buy us for school. We won’t remember all the wins that seemed like such a HUGE deal at the time.

We will likely remember more of our losses. The sting is more memorable. The struggle is what changes us.

Before every tough workout there is at least a moment of dread. “I don’t want to do this.”

And have you ever walked away from a workout you were sad you did?

Let’s Work – the exercise

What are YOU afraid of? I think every mother has legit fears. I get that.

But most of what we fear will never actually be a problem we even have to face. Research shows we spend a LOT of time worrying about things that will never happen.

What a waste.

Nadia has had a few diving and parkour challenges lately that scared her. She also overcame her fear and jumped into a lake off this “cliff” in Idaho.

This was all in the course of a month.

When’s the last time you overcame a fear you have? When is the last time you challenged yourself?

Do you even remember?

Do you even know WHAT you’re afraid of?

This is your invitation to investigate. Journaling is an excellent way to discover more about yourself.

Find out what you’re afraid of, then challenge your beliefs about this fear. Is it limiting you? Is it worth overcoming?

“The opposite of fear is love – love of the challenge, love of the work, the pure joyous passion to take a shot at our dream and see if we can pull it off.“ Steven Pressfield

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Nutrition

Are you ruining your Monday through Thursday effort?

There are 7 days in a week. If we eat healthy for 4 of them, and go off the deep end for the other 3, that’s 57%.

That’s an F. Failing.

Even if we eat OK on Friday, that’s 5 out of 7 days. That’s a LOW C at 71%.

I’m all for some splurging. When I go on vacation, I GO, in ALL the luxurious directions, then clean it up when I get home.

But if we’re doing this every weekend, we are not going to improve.

Depending on the severity of our debauchery, a low C is not going to carry us forward toward our goals. An F will set us back.

You can play the game 2 ways. Sticking with our grading system, you can go for an A+ week, then back off to a B- on the weekends… or, you can keep your average around a B+ all the time… it’s up to you!

The severity of an A+ game rewards us with fast results, which can be motivating. But it can also be so unrealistic to maintain that people fall off the cliff when they decide to “splurge” in the least.

You do you, but here are some tips to limit the damage on the weekends.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

During the week, we follow a routine. We get up at __ AM and go to bed around __ PM.

When we wake up we go through a series of habits, in a particular order, including what (and when) we eat for breakfast.

If we start by going to bed later on Friday night, we likely either

A. wake up later on Saturday morning, or we

B. DON’T, so we are sleep deprived to start it all off.

Even if you sleep in, research is showing more and more that our sleep consistency (keeping our bedtimes and wake up times similar) is almost more important than how many hours we get!

Our sleep schedule could be to blame for some of our “bad decisions” on the weekends.

Our morning routine is also important. During the week, we are on a mission from the time we get up. Getting kids, husband and ourselves off in all the directions, maybe you workout, pack a lunch…. whatever that routine is, if it is different on the weekends, this could also be affecting your decision making.

A protein-filled, low-sugar breakfast is always my recommendation.

Keeping your blood sugar stable will maintain your energy and limit your cravings.

The other reason we tend to over-eat is boredom.

Your weekdays are probably packed with activities that keep your mind engaged and your hands busy. That also likely limits your excessive snacking.

Plan your days on the weekend.

It doesn’t mean (it SHOULDN’T mean) you have no downtime! Just schedule it.
Ideally, away from the kitchen.

And lace in some opportunities to get some things done. That feeling of accomplishment elevates your mood and keeps you from slumping into the couch with a bowl of HoHos.

I told you last week how a year or more ago I purged and organized my house… and in doing so I lost 10 lbs. I think some of that had to do with decreasing the clutter, but I also think having a purpose I was excited about, feeling productive, improved my mood.

Decide in advance how many and what “treats” you are going to allow yourself.

If you have dinner plans, go ahead and have that cocktail or glass of wine OR the dessert. Or maybe BOTH if you’ve planned for it.

Remember, resolve dissolves in alcohol. So if you’re going to drink, your decision making after that drink is going to be suspect. 😜

I have noticed for me, the drinks negatively affect my sleep and therefore my next day as well.

I still drink! Just a lot more selectively than I used to. It’s just my priority to FEEL GOOD, and alcohol gets in the way of that too much.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Do you agree with this? Can you see that your going to bed later on Friday makes you start your weekend off tired, and that may be causing some of your splurging?

Can you also see how a routine, organizing your time and feeling productive, would elicit more self-control?

If your weekends are more hectic than your weekdays (like mine) you might want to invest in a bit of food prep to make eating on the run easier.

I went to Nadia’s first diving meet this week. It was easy to pack a salad with meat & berries on the side because I had all the ingredients already in the fridge.

I often have cut up carrots and cucumbers ready for dipping in the hummus. (Yummmm.) I keep the single serving cups from Costco in my fridge and use them as “ice cubes”. They melt perfectly in time for lunch. (I do the same with their guacamole cups.)

Another hack: I love savory and crunchy so I will sometimes sprinkle Tajin on my cucumbers. It is hard to overeat cucumbers. 😉

Costco also sells individual grab and go packs of chicken or beef. Even Nadia will eat the steak ones! (She’s picky.)

Carbs are easy to find. It’s the protein and vegetables that we need to plan ahead for.

We are also using a lot of the single serving Skinny Pop bags (from Costco) this summer. One bag is 10 g of carbs.

You deserve a little effort to make your life easier. So do your kids. Invest in some food, and maybe carrying containers, that will make your life easier this summer (and every weekend from here on out).

Please invite your friends to join us. They can sign up using this link.

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Mind

How moving has helped me calm down

Summers are nuts. BBQs, travel, sports, camps, more noise in the house…

In May we are excited for the kids to be out of school but soon after we sometimes crave the routine of the school year. 😵‍💫

I’ve confessed to you before that I am scattered… busy in my brain.

If you know me, you’re probably giggling with recognition right now. “Well THAT’s an understatement!” 😂

Maybe that’s why I gravitate toward books & teachings around the ideas of slowing down, being present, or cleaning the slate, so to speak.

Dr. Amy Johnson, writes in Being Human: Essays on Thoughtmares, Bouncing Back, and Your True Nature about how it is our innate nature to be well. She points out that if we are not feeling connected to our inherent wellbeing, it is because our thinking has gotten in the way of it.

She’s not the first to point out that our thinking is to blame for most of our complaints. William Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Many, MANY authors have written similar sentiments since.

And I know it to be true. My thinking can change my mood entirely, when nothing else (outside of me) has changed.

Recently, I RE-learned something simple (outside of me) that makes a HUGE difference in my thinking.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

On top of the usual summer chaos, Izak just got his driver’s license, Nadia is changing schools this fall, & WE ARE MOVING!

The workout side of my business is changing as I navigate this transition too. Everything is up in the air…

and I’ve never felt more calm.

Our house has not sold yet so we have it staged & (almost) ready for showings. Every day.

We spent months purging (the kids have been in the same bedrooms their whole lives!), the counters are clutter-free, & the beds are made!

I noticed a few days after we reached this level of clean that my mind was more calm.

It was noticeable!

I’m not “cured” by any means 😆 but it has made such a difference I doubt we will go back to our clutter-ridden ways.

A few years ago I went through a purge & organization phase and I remember I lost like 10 pounds. I just felt good & happy, so ate less!

Let’s Work – the exercise

Maybe you’re already a neat freak (I’m thinking of you Aimee, Whitney & Jameela) 🤗 but if you’re not, let this be your invitation to try it out.

Nadia was complaining that her back hurt this morning… so she couldn’t possibly help Ali & Izak with whatever it was they were doing. Ali told her she wouldn’t be able to go to Parkour then tonight.

Of course she was in tears begging to go this afternoon. 🙄

Ali looked at me & said, “Mama, how can she earn a trip to Parkour?”

I’m not ashamed to say I used the opportunity to my advantage. She is right now folding all the clothes in her dresser. 🤩

My point is, you have children. Let me remind you it is not your job to clean up after them (depending on their age). Teach them to be a good roommate when they grow up. 😁

If it’s not the clutter in your house, what is it? Is there something simple you could do to declutter your mind?

Years ago I fired a client that I did not enjoy training. I didn’t realize how MUCH he was weighing me down until he was off my schedule. 🙌

Have that conversation you’re dreading. Make that decision that’s looming. Maybe it’s time to look for a new job?

Whatever it is, give it a shot. I hope you get the same relief I am enjoying!

Becoming The Woman You Want To Be If this email was forwarded to you & you’d like to receive them weekly, please sign up here. If you love checklists like I do, here’s one for organizing your home by room.

Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Body

Your Body Is Changing!

Do you remember going through puberty? Or have you watched your kids navigate it?

Rapidly fluctuating hormones can make you crazy!

After Nadia was born I got a wicked case of postpartum depression. I remember driving out of my garage thinking, “I could just keep going. I don’t HAVE to come back.” 😵

The next moment I was horrified that thought had even entered my brain. I LOVE my family!

I also remember standing by my junk drawer thinking, “I just need to go to bed & pull the covers up over my head.” I could not handle what was happening in that moment.

But also I knew, whatever was happening was not THAT big of a deal.

I’ve always prided myself on being pretty tough. I thought to myself, “What is WRONG with me!?”

About a year & a half ago I realized my motivation to workout & eat right (constant companions over my lifetime) had suddenly disappeared. I gained 10 pounds & could not for the life of me get rid of it.

“I’m a fitness professional! What is wrong with me!?”

I’ve watched both my kids (Izak, 16 & Nadia, 12) “overreact” or become emotionally volatile at times that didn’t make sense to the spectator (me).

These are all examples of hormonal changes & what they can do to you emotionally, mentally & physically.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Perimenopause usually starts somewhere between ages 35 & 50. Yes, that early. It’s the 4–10 years before menopause when hormone levels, especially estrogen & progesterone, begin to fluctuate.

Menopause is officially marked after 12 consecutive months without a period (typically between ages 45–55).

During this hormonal roller-coaster, your body is recalibrating. These shifts affect everything: sleep, mood, metabolism, muscle mass, memory, libido, & how your body handles stress.

The Signs

• Irregular periods: shorter, longer, heavier, lighter, or just plain unpredictable

• Sleep disturbances: waking at 3 a.m. for no good reason

• Mood swings or anxiety: like teenage PMS with a mortgage

• Brain fog: walking into a room & forgetting what you came for

• Weight gain: especially around the middle

• Fatigue: even after a decent night’s sleep

• Low libido or vaginal dryness

• Joint pain, dry skin, thinning hair, brittle nails

Here’s the bad news.& the good…

Every woman’s journey is different, so there is no one-size-fits-all answer for it.

However, much of my usual, boring advice to BE HEALTHY will also help ease the symptoms of this transitional time. This might be the motivation you need to double down on some of these “areas of opportunity”. 😉

I think my Saint of a mother just prayed her way through it & silently offered up all her suffering to God because I had no idea she was going through anything!

Back then women were not encouraged to talk about this & even if they did, doctors didn’t know what they do now. Today, women are told to stand up for themselves, be their own advocate, & ask for help & we know more about how to navigate this great change.

As much as I admire my mom & those of you who fly through this season like an angel, I want you all to know there is help. You can tough it out if you choose to (like natural childbirth) or you can get some relief (drugs). 😜

First of all, please see a doctor who actually knows about this stuff. I am a fan of Functional Medicine as they are trained to find the root cause more than just patch up the symptomes.

Secondly, I would suggest getting all your blood work done BEFORE all these symptoms start. It’s good to have a baseline to know when & what starts trending south.

In the meantime, here are some key strategies for you.

Food is Medicine

• Prioritize protein – Aim for 30g per meal to preserve muscle & support metabolism

• Limit sugar – Eat balanced meals with fiber, protein, & healthy fats

• Reduce ultra-processed foods – They inflame your body & mess with your hormones

• Up the veggies – Especially cruciferous (broccoli, cauliflower, kale) to support detox

• Hydrate like it’s your job – Hormonal shifts affect hydration & electrolyte balance

Does this all sound familiar? 🥱 Honestly though, do you see an area of opportunity there?

Side note: Intermittent fasting can be helpful if you’re sleeping well & not overly stressed. Otherwise, it can backfire in perimenopause.

Exercise: Movement Is Medicine too

• Strength training 2–4x per week – Essential for bone density, muscle retention, & metabolism

• Cardio – Keep it moderate; too much high-intensity can spike cortisol

• Mobility & Recovery – Foam rolling, yoga, walking… treat your nervous system with kindness

• Pelvic floor & Core work – Yes, even if you don’t pee when you sneeze (yet)

Listen to your body. If your workouts are leaving you drained instead of energized, it’s time to adjust.

Sleep: The Master Reset Button

This might be the most underrated hormone hack out there.

• Create a bedtime routine (no, Netflix isn’t it) & try to go to sleep & wake up around the same time every day

• Limit caffeine past noon

• Cool, dark room — like a cave

• Magnesium before bed, or a little tart cherry juice

• Cut back on alcohol – It wrecks your REM sleep, even if it helps you fall asleep

• Follow the 3,2,1 Rule – stop eating 3 hours before bed, stop drinking 2 hours before bed & turn off screens 1 hour before bed

Supplements

• Magnesium – Calms the nervous system, helps with sleep, mood, & cramps

• Omega-3s – Anti-inflammatory, great for brain & heart health

• Vitamin D3 + K2 – Essential for bone health, mood, & immune function

• Adaptogens (like ashwagandha or rhodiola) – Help your body handle stress

• Collagen – Supports joints, skin, hair, & gut health

• B-complex – Especially if you’re feeling burned out or depleted

Caution: Always check with a qualified health professional before loading up. More isn’t always better.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

There are many forms including creams, pellets, injections, patches or pills that are used to replace declining estrogen & progesterone (&/or testosterone).

This has to be a very individualized approach based on your symptoms & lab work so I cannot offer you much guidance other than to say, it can make a HUGE difference.

My sleep was suffering due to hot flashes in the night & a tiny bit of estrogen has fixed that right up for me.

HRT was thought to be “unsafe” years ago but research has since proven the safety & effectiveness for most women. (Women with a history of blood clotting or certain types of breast cancer are exceptions.)

Let’s Work – the exercise

I’ve given you options above to control what you can, but here’s the biggest one…

Your attitude about this season matters. I want to empower you with HOPE & the gift of knowing this phase of life is ripe with power.

You’ve got wisdom, resilience, and (if you’re reading this) the drive to take care of yourself on a deeper level.

You can choose to put up with whatever life gives you, or you can seek the help that is out there & available to you. Yes, it might cost you some time, energy & money, but what are we making it for if not to invest in a more vibrant, healthy life?

I hope it helps to know you’re not alone.

Thank you Toni for requesting this subject today. I hope you learned something & as always, I’m here to serve so if you have specific topics you’d like for me to cover, let me know please!

Additional Resources Podcasts: ​Mel Robbins The Ultimate Guide to Women’s Hormones​ ​You Are Not Broken with Dr Kelly Casperson​ Download: ​Lab Checklist Instagram: ​Dr Mary Claire​ Women’s Health Functional Med In Denver: I’m seeing Miranda Minter at Vibrant Health of Colorado & she is covered by my insurance. (Rare.) My friend Jameela is loving Big Life Integrative Health​ ​Dr Jacqui Pariset at Omnia Health is a comprehensive care model ($7500/year) but quite extensive & in-depth obviously.

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Mindset

You get to choose!

Walking to school a few years ago I asked Nadia, “If you could choose to believe one thing that would change your whole life, what would that one belief be?”

She didn’t hesitate too long before responding. “I am important.”

I asked her, “Do you know that you’re important?”

“Yes.”

She agreed that when she’s calmly walking to school on a beautiful morning, that is an easy thing to believe. Of COURSE she’s important! But when upset & distress are taking over her body, that truth is harder to believe.

Later, I asked Izak the same question, “What one truth, if you could choose to believe it, would change your whole life?”

He took a few beats longer to respond, then thoughtfully said, “That I CAN do it.”

He went on to explain that in the moments before “wanting” to do something, & deciding if he should or not, the fear of not being able to do it makes him hesitate. Essentially, the fear of failure limits him sometimes.

I shared this with a friend who innocently questioned the “I am important” statement. She admitted that she would want to clarify with her kid that yes, although you are important, so is everyone else! You’re not MORE important that anyone else.

She also didn’t agree with the “I can do it” statement because, let’s be honest, there are SOME things you can NOT do! SHOULD not do. Would not be able to do.

I suppose she’s right.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

More recently I asked them again. Izak again took his time to answer but when he did… it was profound.

“God is always with me.”

I loved his answer, but asked for more, “He is! And how would believing that change everything for you?”

I won’t pretend to be able to quote him but essentially he said it would lower his overall stress level.

Izak just finished his first year of high school at Valor Christian. Although he did not get the straight A’s he was aiming for, we watched him blossom into a more chill human as he made friends, the basketball team & only missed one day of school.

Nadia on the other hand missed 17 days of school this year & was late for many more. She struggled with stomach aches, head aches & low energy that may or may not have been at least in part due to stress (school).

When I asked her this question recently, “What belief would change everything for you?” she responded, “I don’t know.”

I told her she could think about it & get back to me but she repeated, “That’s my answer! I don’t know!”

It took me a minute but eventually I understood. For her, believing that she doesn’t have all the answers, nor should she, would change a lot.

This also stunned me a bit. When you’re 11 & the rules of the world are told to you as truths you’re just supposed to accept, you have to put your trust in those telling you those rules.

She is in a huge transition right now. We are preparing to move out of the house she has lived in her whole life. She just attended her last day at the school she’s been at for the past 5 years. Her life as she’s known it is all up in the air right now.

The belief that she’s not supposed to know what that’s going to look like or be like, is comforting.

Let’s Work – the exercise

I found these conversations so interesting. Maybe because they’re my kids & I am interested in what’s going on inside their minds.

I’ve also done a lot of work around this myself. After spending a considerable amount of time thinking about this over a year ago I determined that for me, I was playing victim in my life a lot.

I was blaming outside forces (my kids, husband, technology…) for my “bad moods” & disappointments. I carefully constructed the following personal statement to remind me who I want to be.

This is a lot. I know. It took me quite some time to create & commit to memory.

We have a shorter family motto we created years before I did my own. Nadia went through a cranky spell when she was 3. Can you tell by how many encouraging words we decided on for our family motto? 😆

Here’s an adorable example I caught on film of how well it worked.

So here are your choices for this week’s challenge. 😁

1. At least spend some time thinking about one belief you could adopt as TRUTH, that would change everything for you (or your family).

2. Create a personal statement & say it out loud multiple times a day until it is committed to memory.

3. As a family (it’s important to have their buy in) create a family motto & use it often!

I LOVE hearing from you all so please share your thoughts on this with me!

Know someone who would benefit from these emails? Please forward this link (or email) & invite them to sign up. ​https://my-trainer-jill.kit.com/newsletter Thank you! 🤗

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Peace

The 4 Rules We Should All Follow

I first read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz years ago & I found 2 of the 4 rules especially profound. I was in sales at the time & I still am a sensitive female so guess which two I found to be most helpful?

The 4 Agreements are, in no particular order…

1. Always do your best.
2. Be impeccable with your word.
3. Do not assume.
4. Don’t take things personally.

If I lived by these rules every day I would be a better mom. And encouraging my kids to embody these would help them in all areas of life as well.

Always do your best. Can we ask for anything more?

I watched Nadia’s volleyball team lose a lot this season. I have no problem with it. They were all doing the best they could with the talent they had in that moment.

Sometimes your best is not enough, but if you continually do your best, you will get better.

I once asked my sister (who is truly THE BEST mom), “How do you do it?”

She looked at me plainly & said, “I just pretend like someone is always watching me.”

😳

😬

Years later this obvious, simple statement still blows me away. 😂

If I were to think “someone is watching me” before I respond, I would probably be more impeccable with my word choices. 🙊

I need to use my words for good & remember the power they have. An opponent complimented me on my serve the other day on the tennis court & I dismissed her with a self-deprecating jab about how it could change at any moment.

Guess what.

It did.

I went from aces to double faults & I whole-heartedly blame my mouth speaking that kind of nonsense out into the world.

I need to speak more life into myself, my children & husband. Words of affirmation are good for anyone, even if it’s not their love language.

But the last 2 REALLY hit me back when I first read the book & still today.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

When Izak was born my mom came to help out. I was a ball of stress, still trying to keep up with all the things (like laundry, dishes & my business) instead of just enjoying my new little bundle of cuteness.

After work, Ali would walk in the door after what was always a stressful day & casually, innocently ask, “So what’d you guys do today?”

In my hormonal, sleep-deprived, stressed out state, I would instantly flare in defense. 🤬 But my sweet mom would just calmly respond, “Ohhh, nothin.”

She has always been such an excellent example to me of a woman with a healthy sense of self. She has NO ego. She had zero need to impress him with all we’d done.

I think taking things personally is one of the biggest downfalls of society. Too often, people assume a statement, opinion or action from someone else is meant as a personal insult.

Do not assume it had ANYTHING to do with you!

My sister Whitney shared this story with me years ago, when her daughter Macy was maybe 8.

Macy’s dad (Whitney’s husband) Nate was the principal of her school.

Do you ever assume the worst prior to your response?

I remember Izak playing once when he was young & he referred to the “black guys” as “the bad guys”. I was instantly horrified but held my tongue long enough to realize he was referring to the color of clothes they were wearing.

Ali always jokes that if a woman looks like she has a basketball under her shirt & says with excitement, “I think my water just broke!” he would just offer to get her a new one. 🤣

It’s the cardinal rule. NEVER assume a woman is pregnant.

The reason the “Do not assume” rule was so helpful for me back when I read this book is because I was in sales. If someone didn’t call or text me back, I would be tempted to assume they weren’t interested, they didn’t like me, etc.

It’s natural for many (moms) to assume our kids are being sassy. But what if they didn’t hear you? What if THEY’VE had a bad day too?

This example is where I often have to remind myself to “Not take things personally.”

If you ever catch yourself thinking, “How dare they…” you’ve taken something personally. It’s our ego that gets offended. Not us.

Don Miguel Ruiz writes,

If I could just live by that alone, I would be better off.

We can choose to be offended, or not to be.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Our family listened to The Four Agreements on a road trip to Santa Fe a few years ago.

It’s been long enough I think I will bring it up again at dinner sometime soon. This is worth a family discussion at the very least.

But even if you don’t read the book, just knowing what the 4 Agreements are, which one do you need to practice embracing? Can you identify one that would change a lot for you or your family?

I’d love to hear from you about this but if I don’t, I won’t take it personally. 😁

“You can speak. What other animal on the planet can speak? The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” ― Miguel Ruiz

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Peace

Do your future self a favor.

One of my many nicknames growing up was Busy Body.

I could not hold still.

Today, although I do still struggle to sit still, it is my brain that is too busy.

I remember the day Ali told me he thinks of nothing but tennis when he’s on the tennis court.

😳

I was profoundly shocked. I didn’t know that was possible!

I was seriously jealous.

I think every mother has a lot on her mind for the most part, but if you’re unable to shut it off when you need to, it can be debilitating.

It’s heroic enough to survive the chaos of getting dinner on the table while helping one with homework & listening to the other talk about his day, while the husband has the TV blaring above it all.

It’s a whole other level of hell if your mind is simultaneously racing through the stuff you did not get done today & the logistics of how you’ll fit it all in tomorrow, & wow, I need to clean out this knife drawer.

Meditation is the obvious answer, so I have dabbled in it over the years, but this year I felt called to take it to another level.

I believe we have the power to manage our minds, which can change everything.

Often, this is in the form of positive thinking. Sometimes though, it’s in the power of NOT thinking at all.

My best tennis is played when my mind is quiet. I can zone in on that ball like it’s a big, slow floating balloon in those rare moments.

My kids & husband deserve that kind of focused attention. So do I for that matter. I think even God wants this for me, so I practiced quieting my mind (meditation) for 40 days of Lent & I was surprised by what happened.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

I did not set out to spend 30 minutes a day cross-legged on the floor in silence, but if I felt called to, that would be fine too.

My main goal was to practice stillness, both physical & mental. I called it my Quiet Time (QT) since “meditation” can be a bit intimidating.

I set aside at least 10 minutes a day to just be still & quiet, but I did end up doing quite a few guided meditations, sometimes as long as 30 minutes.

It felt like a luxury to have the excuse to go be by myself. The whole family respected & were supportive of my goal. Even while we were on vacation once they all disappeared long enough for me to be alone in the hotel room for 30 minutes.

In addition to time I set aside for my QT, I also found moments throughout my day to practice focus by just being intentional with my attention. Being present. I spent time noticing & relishing details of ordinary moments with my family, doing dishes, driving, folding laundry…

I found myself looking forward to my Quiet Time every day so I am still shocked that I fell out of the practice after Easter.

At first I didn’t notice any ill effects but after a couple weeks I was back to crabby, busy, overwhelmed, distracted Jill.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this struggle… If I KNOW that X, Y or Z is good for me & that I feel better when I do it, why don’t I do it?

Surprisingly, I didn’t really notice a huge positive difference when I was practicing this, but it took me less than 2 weeks to notice the negative difference once I stopped.

It was so obvious, I have made it a priority again.

The key for me is to find a time that works. It is difficult (for me) once the day gets going to just STOP, sit & be still. I can practice my focus with moments of intentional attention but I’ve learned I can go deep into my QT much better if I’m not trying to slam on the breaks in the middle of a busy day.

Turns out, before & after sleep are actually really good times to channel our inner peace. Our brain waves change throughout the day & meditation during these transitional times can be super advantageous.

This also works better for me in terms of actually fitting it in, so that’s where I have scheduled it for now. There are days where it does work for me to stop midday & practice a good 10+ minutes of QT. I love those days! But I try to get some in first thing in the morning just in case & I love to end my day with some as well.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Do you think you would benefit from meditation? Or at least some Quiet Time?

Honestly, the “I Should” list is long. I get it. Maybe this is not at the top of your list!

Whatever IS though, spend some time figuring out how to make it easier on yourself to actually do it. Maybe you need to get rid of something, rearrange a room, change your schedule, designate something to someone, or call for help…

Can you remove some barriers for this thing to happen?

If it’s working out for example, maybe you need to find a good book to listen to. You can walk or jog while you listen. Or, you can join our workouts if you want some company, guidance & encouragement.

If it’s eating less junk food, get it out of your house! NO ONE needs that kind of temptation staring them in the face all day.

If it’s getting better sleep, maybe you need to make your room darker, cooler, or more quiet.

Whatever it is, do your future self a favor & set yourself up for success.

Meditation Apps ​Insight Timer (my favorite), Reveri (hypnosis), The Way (the least overwhelming), Calm (very popular but limited options unless you pay for it) & Waking Up (also popular but $130/year after your 14 day free trial). Another popular app is Headspace. For my Catholic friends & family, I’ve heard great things about Hallow but, have yet to try it. Happy Meditating!

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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Truth

If the truth hurts, you likely need it.

When is the last time a friend or family member challenged you to see things differently?

Or are you surrounded by people that only smile, reassure & encourage you?

The latter sounds more comfortable, but are you really perfect? 😝

As mothers, we likely try to convince our children (& husbands) to see things our way often.

I want to share with you an experience I had helping Nadia see things differently once. I used a simplified version of The Work of Byron Katie.

She was maybe 9 & struggling with one of her gymnastics coaches, big time.

We sat down at the kitchen table on a Wednesday (because she didn’t have her usual 3 hour practice that night). I asked her to summarize her problem in one sentence.

She wrote on her paper, “Claire is trying to HURT me.”

I then asked her, “Is this true? Can you absolutely KNOW that it is true?”

In the self-righteous anger that we can all relate to, she responded “Yes!”

I then instructed her to rewrite the sentence in all other possible ways, & to think about how each one could be as true, or possibly even MORE true, than her original sentence.

Although she did as instructed, (“Claire is not trying to hurt me.” “I am trying to hurt Claire.”) she did not seem to be accepting either of these as remotely possible, let alone true.

I felt we were wasting our time as her resistance was so strong, so I just grabbed the paper & told her to go play. I was a bit defeated & bummed my plan had not worked.

Thursday she had practice & I didn’t hear anything from her that night about her usual struggles.

Friday, she was in the bath after her practice & she randomly, thoughtfully said from the tub, “Mom, tonight at practice, I was looking at Claire & I thought, ‘She’s not trying to hurt me.'”

😳 🥹

It still makes me a bit teary when I retell the story.

As a mother, I feel one of my most important jobs is to teach my kids how to manage their minds.

Being aware of how powerful our thinking is, & realizing we have the ability to change it, is a superpower that will help us so much in life.

Our version of the truth, is not always (or even usually) the absolute truth for everyone. That difference in perception is often the cause of suffering.

Some might argue that my conversation with Nadia was a mother teaching her daughter to not trust her gut. Maybe some would say my job is to validate her feelings, no matter what they are.

I agree one of my roles is to simply be a witness (not a fixer), but I am not a Yes Mom.

I don’t think being told “You’re right. The rest of the world is wrong.” is going to help them in the long run.

I also appreciate those I love challenging ME on occasion.

Years ago I showed up 3 days in a row to workout with a friend who casually, nicely pointed out how ragged my clothes were.

Each day I looked down in surprise to realize how right she was! I was not offended in the least! I was thankful!

She taught me to pay a bit more attention, to CARE how I was presenting myself to the world, & you know what? I started upgrading my wardrobe a bit & my self-confidence improved.

Another friend once confirmed that I needed to lose weight & a few years later, cut my hair (get an actual hairdo).

I did both & my life was better for it.

These are material, vain examples. I’ve had other, more sensitive, personal moments I assure you, but the point is, it is in the job description of my closest friends to make me a better human.

Usually, no words are even needed, much less hurtful ones. Often just their excellent example to me inspires me to be better. How they live their lives. How they respond to adversity, make tough decisions & self-correct.

But the same is true for our children. We are their biggest influence by simply the example we are to them.

Let’s Work – the exercise

I invite you to do the exercise I did with Nadia above, on yourself.

Choose a belief that is not serving you & walk through the steps above.

If you want extra credit, do it in front of your kids or as a family.

I’d love to hear from you if you try this. The Work of Katie Byron can be profound mamas! But you actually have to do it. 😉

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ― Byron Katie