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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong
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You get to choose!
Walking to school a few years ago I asked Nadia, “If you could choose to believe one thing that would change your whole life, what would that one belief be?”
She didn’t hesitate too long before responding. “I am important.”
I asked her, “Do you know that you’re important?”
“Yes.”
She agreed that when she’s calmly walking to school on a beautiful morning, that is an easy thing to believe. Of COURSE she’s important! But when upset & distress are taking over her body, that truth is harder to believe.
Later, I asked Izak the same question, “What one truth, if you could choose to believe it, would change your whole life?”
He took a few beats longer to respond, then thoughtfully said, “That I CAN do it.”
He went on to explain that in the moments before “wanting” to do something, & deciding if he should or not, the fear of not being able to do it makes him hesitate. Essentially, the fear of failure limits him sometimes.
I shared this with a friend who innocently questioned the “I am important” statement. She admitted that she would want to clarify with her kid that yes, although you are important, so is everyone else! You’re not MORE important that anyone else.
She also didn’t agree with the “I can do it” statement because, let’s be honest, there are SOME things you can NOT do! SHOULD not do. Would not be able to do.
I suppose she’s right.
Let’s Prepare – the warm up
More recently I asked them again. Izak again took his time to answer but when he did… it was profound.
“God is always with me.”
I loved his answer, but asked for more, “He is! And how would believing that change everything for you?”
I won’t pretend to be able to quote him but essentially he said it would lower his overall stress level.
Izak just finished his first year of high school at Valor Christian. Although he did not get the straight A’s he was aiming for, we watched him blossom into a more chill human as he made friends, the basketball team & only missed one day of school.
Nadia on the other hand missed 17 days of school this year & was late for many more. She struggled with stomach aches, head aches & low energy that may or may not have been at least in part due to stress (school).
When I asked her this question recently, “What belief would change everything for you?” she responded, “I don’t know.”
I told her she could think about it & get back to me but she repeated, “That’s my answer! I don’t know!”
It took me a minute but eventually I understood. For her, believing that she doesn’t have all the answers, nor should she, would change a lot.
This also stunned me a bit. When you’re 11 & the rules of the world are told to you as truths you’re just supposed to accept, you have to put your trust in those telling you those rules.
She is in a huge transition right now. We are preparing to move out of the house she has lived in her whole life. She just attended her last day at the school she’s been at for the past 5 years. Her life as she’s known it is all up in the air right now.
The belief that she’s not supposed to know what that’s going to look like or be like, is comforting.
Let’s Work – the exercise
I found these conversations so interesting. Maybe because they’re my kids & I am interested in what’s going on inside their minds.
I’ve also done a lot of work around this myself. After spending a considerable amount of time thinking about this over a year ago I determined that for me, I was playing victim in my life a lot.
I was blaming outside forces (my kids, husband, technology…) for my “bad moods” & disappointments. I carefully constructed the following personal statement to remind me who I want to be.
I am the creator of my experience, energy & attitude.
I am responsible for my mood, beliefs, & actions.
I am a loving, positive, powerful force for Ali, Izak & Nadia. I adore my family & they get the best of me & my attention.
I am rooted in love, joy, hope, peace & positivity. I assume the best in others & myself. Love & forgiveness are my default emotions, language & actions. Gratitude flows from me.
I am my own best friend. I am enough & I surrender to what is out of my control.
I am present & have enough time to savor each moment & enough space between stimulus & response to lead with love. I am so centered & connected I receive guidance from the Holy Spirit.
I embrace challenges & win, while elevating those around me. My ego is healthy & knows its place. I welcome challenging ideas & learning opportunities that might lead to improvement or enlightenment.
This is a lot. I know. It took me quite some time to create & commit to memory.
We have a shorter family motto we created years before I did my own. Nadia went through a cranky spell when she was 3. Can you tell by how many encouraging words we decided on for our family motto? 😆
We are a happy, positive, smart-working, hard-playing, fun family who makes the world a better place.
Here’s an adorable example I caught on film of how well it worked.
So here are your choices for this week’s challenge. 😁
1. At least spend some time thinking about one belief you could adopt as TRUTH, that would change everything for you (or your family).
2. Create a personal statement & say it out loud multiple times a day until it is committed to memory.
3. As a family (it’s important to have their buy in) create a family motto & use it often!
I LOVE hearing from you all so please share your thoughts on this with me!
