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Dear Santa, My Nervous System Needs A Bonus

It’s that time of year when moms add Santa to the job title – right behind CEO, chauffeur, therapist, and chef. We’re juggling protein goals, peace on earth and a suspicious number of Amazon packages.

Magical? Yes.

Exhausting? Also yes.

I’d love to help you. How can I make this even just a bit easier for you this season?

Here are some ideas.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

FOOD PREP

You need to be ok with leftovers if only for this season. Plan to cook two dinners this week and Intentionally make too much. We are munching off leftover brisket and chicken thighs from a party we hosted Sunday and it’s made for an easy cooking week for me.

Focus on keeping protein sources handy. Let’s be honest, we’re going to get plenty of carbs. 🍪🍫🥂

GIFT IDEAS

The best gifts are the ones we wouldn’t splurge on for ourselves but they make life easier, more enjoyable or fill some real need.

Since I know you value your health, so your loved ones might too, we’ll start there.

I’m a big fan of my Whoop (if you use this link you can get a discount on it) but Ali wants to try the Oura Ring, so that’s what he’s getting this Christmas. ($200-$600)

We fight over our hypervolt massage gun but this RENPHO Active Thermacool 2 Massage Gun on Amazon is highly rated and on sale right now. (<$100 on sale)

I’ve given a care package of my favorite healthy supplements to friends before as a gift so they could try many and see which ones they like best. (Varies)

I have a few different Red Light Therapy devises around here. One near my bed, one for anyone watching TV, etc. This one is highly rated if you’re interested in that as a gift idea! (<$100 on sale)

Perhaps a punch pass to a local rec center, fitness studio, or personal training would be an excellent gift idea! (Varies)

If you live in the Denver area (and especially if you have athlete kids) my kids have both worked out at KULA and although it’s not cheap, I was impressed with the quality of their classes and coaching. They also train adults.

Moving on from physical health to the mental kind. These are some gift ideas that would make like more enjoyable.

We play games and a few of our favorites are Chameleon ($20), Mexican Train Dominoes (~$60), and I love Rummikub ($20) though I’m admittedly a bigger fan than Ali.

Nadia is currently obsessed with one of my childhood favorites, Chinese Checkers. ($40)

You could gift memberships to Audible ($150 for 1 year), KiwiCo (monthly STEM projects for kids), or your local museum or Zoo would all be wonderful gifts!

Memberships to help make life easier might include a food prep service (like Factor 75, HelloFresh or Home Chef), a car wash membership or grocery delivery service (InstaCart or Amazon Fresh).

I love supporting friends’ businesses. I have sent my massage therapist as a gift, my housekeepers, babysitter, and handyman too.

Meditation apps such as HeadSpace, Calm or InsightTimer are the perfect example of something one might not spend the money on for themselves, but they would definitely fill a need.

And let’s be honest, a gift certificate to dinner out, a favorite local coffee shop or for a spa treatment of some kind would all be huge hits!

I try to lean toward the EXPERIENCE over CLUTTER, can you tell?

Let’s Work – the exercise

I’ve created a few gifts for you as well this holiday season.

The Arete Warrior program was designed to be a 10 week course, meeting once weekly with me (or another instructor) for a workout and class activities. The program was designed to teach self-awareness, control, discipline, and an understanding of overall health concepts such as sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

This material was geared toward elementary and middle school aged kids.

Here is the complete, full color Arete Warrior journal for you to share with your kids (or nieces, nephews, etc).

I’ve combined the weekly exercises into this small kit that you can print out and bind or use however you wish.

And for YOU mama, here is your kit including some journal pages, exercises for self-discovery, a quiz to determine your love language, and a worksheet to practice The Work by Byron Katie.

And finally, here is a complete (cardio + lifting) 45 minute workout you can do at home with only a few (ideally heavy) dumbbells. I will say this gift is temporary so if you want to do it, do it soon. 😁

Happy shopping, partying, wrapping, cooking, grocery getting, driving, delivering, coordinating, cleaning, organizing, planning, snuggling, SMILING and don’t forgot to find some time for YOU.

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Keeping Your Cool Among Cookies, Cocktails & Chaos.

It’s the most wonderfully chaotic time of the year, so I’m going to keep this short.

December goes by fast. You might find yourself singing, “All I want for Christmas is a little peace” in the middle of it.

“Silent Night”? In your dreams!

It’s party season. For me, at 51, this looks a little different than it used to.

In our college days we warmed up for the main event parties with our own little “pre-funk”. The goal was to liven up with some drink before the actual party/ more drinks. 😑

Nowadays, in our more mature state, we need to warm up more like an athlete does before a game. The goal is more to not pull a hammie lunging to get to the charcuterie board.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

People drink to celebrate, relax, or fit in. If you’re reaching for drinks to relax, there are other ways to do so that would leave you with a lot better side effects.

If you’re coming in to the party all stressed out from the chaos of the season, or you have social anxiety so you feel you need to have a drink to be able to mingle, PLEASE take a breath first.

There is a LOT of research that shows mindfulness and deep breathing are far better than alcohol at improving mood, relieving stress, and reducing anxiety.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DRINK, but if you choose to, here are some tips to help limit the negative effects.

Before The Party

1. Eat a solid meal — Protein + fat + fiber (e.g., steak, salmon, cheese/crackers, nuts) slows alcohol absorption dramatically and cuts peak blood-alcohol levels by up to 50%.

2. Hydrate aggressively — Start your day with some electrolytes. Alcohol is a diuretic; most of the next-day misery is dehydration.

3. Take these supplements (backed by decent studies):

• N-acetylcysteine (NAC) 600–1200 mg ~1 hour before drinking → boosts glutathione and reduces acetaldehyde buildup.
• B-complex (especially thiamine/B1) + magnesium — Alcohol depletes both.
• Prickly pear extract (500–1600 mg) — One study showed ~50% reduction in hangover symptoms.
• DHM (dihydromyricetin, from Hovenia dulcis) 300–600 mg — Popular in Asia; multiple human studies show it speeds alcohol metabolism and cuts next-day symptoms.

While You’re Drinking

• One-for-one rule: Glass of water (or electrolyte drink) for every alcoholic drink. This alone slashes hangover severity by ~50% in studies.
• Stick to clearer spirits (vodka, gin, tequila, white wine) if you’re sensitive — they have fewer congeners (toxic byproducts).
• Avoid shots and bubbly mixers (champagne, vodka-soda with lots of bubbles) — carbonation speeds absorption.
• Set a hard limit beforehand and tell someone (accountability works).

Before Bed (Critical)

• Rehydrate: 500–1000 mL water + electrolytes.
• Eat something: Toast with peanut butter, a banana, or a protein shake — gives your liver glucose and amino acids while it’s still processing alcohol.

Optional “hangover prevention stack” people swear by (and that has some science):

• Another 600 mg NAC
• 400–600 mg magnesium glycinate
• 200–400 mg ibuprofen OR 500 mg naproxen (but not if you have stomach issues or drank heavily)

Next Morning Rescue (if you’re still feel rough)

• Electrolyte drink + high-protein breakfast
• Light exercise (walk or sauna) to speed clearance
• More DHM or NAC if you have it
• Coffee is fine once you’ve rehydrated

So that about covers the cocktails. As for the chaos and cookies, we go back to my statement above that’s worth repeating.

There is a LOT of research that shows mindfulness and deep breathing are superior methods for improving mood, relieving stress, and reducing anxiety.

I don’t know about you but if I’m not fully present and 100% focused on every bite of my cookie, I’ll need the whole batch to feel satiated.

And it’s hard to be fully present and 100% focused in the chaos of this season, especially at a party.

When I coach the throwers, I tell them the Navy Seal adage, “Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.”

This applies here. If we can just SLOW D O W N … we will be more effective.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Being present, breathing deeply or even paying attention to your breath, is going to help you limit the potential damage of the season.

If you choose to drink, you can still have fun and wake up feeling human if you don’t over-indulge, eat first, alternate water, and take NAC/DHM + electrolytes. 🎄

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I’m Thankful!

We all know we should be thankful – right up until we trip over the shoes our kid left in the middle of the floor for the 115th time. But gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is great. It’s about training the brain to notice what is good… so it’s strong enough to handle what isn’t.

Drive through any major intersection in Denver and you will have a reason to be thankful staring you in the face, holding a sign.

We all have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m thankful Izak made the JV basketball team this week.

I’m thankful Nadia and I are listening to Harry Potter together while we drive the many miles we drive together these days. (Can you believe I’ve never read them?)

I’m thankful my husband’s hard work affords me the freedom to NOT have to go to a job, because I don’t want to right now. Maybe someday I’ll feel differently, but I’m loving my stay-at-home-mom status.

I’m thankful Lisa is staying at our house this weekend with Izak while we are away. 😍

I’m thankful for our new home, Snoop, and our health (despite Ali STILL fighting something going on 2 weeks now).

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Gratitude activates three major areas linked to happiness and emotional regulation.

• The Prefrontal Cortex leads to better decision making and less stress reaction.
• The Anterior Cingulate Cortex boosts empathy and connection.
• The Hypothalmus regulates stress hormones and sleep.

Gratitude literally rewires your brain to be more resilient, more optimistic, and less reactive. AKA fewer mom meltdowns and faster emotional recovery on difficult days.

Gratitude also boosts hormones and chemistry.

• Dopamine is involved with pursuit and motivation. “I can do this” energy.
• Serotonin is our mood regulator. Think calm confidence.
• Oxytocin is involved in bonding and connection.
• Lower Cortisol reduces your stress response.

Researchers call gratitude a “natural antidepressant”. It strengthens our perspective.

Gratitude interrupts our “threat mode” in the brain. Because it involves the prefrontal cortex (the same area used to make smart choices) it reduces overthinking and spinning mental wheels.

Gratitude is not only useful for moms (obviously). Grateful kids:

• compare themselves less
• show more kindness
• have stronger immune systems (yes, really)

Children who practice gratitude even once or twice a week show higher levels of happiness and better physical health markers. Thankfulness trains emotional regulation early – the same way exercise trains muscles.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Studies show writing 3 things you’re thankful for before bed improves sleep quality and increases deep sleep cycles.

Expressing gratitude to a spouse increases relationship satisfaction more than any other communication habit. Research confirms it.

Here are some dinner conversation starters to build gratitude into your family’s daily routine.

What went right today?

What made you smile?

What did your body do well today?

Who helped you?

What’s something you’d miss if you lost it?

What are you looking forward to?

Who loves you?

What’s something you did well today?

What is working right now?

🥰 Not just during Thanksgiving, but ALWAYS we should practice looking for what we can appreciate. (Yes, even the struggles life hands us.)

Can you see how this would enhance your life?

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How To Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones

Nadia likes to be in my arms when she’s sick, practically french kissing me while snuggling, yet she didn’t give me Covid when she had it.

She drank out of my water bottle a couple hours before she woke up puking with norovirus and I didn’t get that either.

In the last month, every member of my family has been sick. I was the one caring for each, with no excuse to stop because I have the immune system of a rhinoceros.

Ok, I don’t actually know if rhinos have strong immune systems but I’ve never known one to be sick, so… (I looked it up. I guess sharks and ostriches are known to have strong immune systems… I’m sticking with my rhino.)

As we head into this season, I feel compelled to share with you the obvious, and not so obvious, ways to keep everyone in your house healthy.

Your immune system is not a single thing to boost, but rather a network. Gut health, sleep, hormones, nutrition, inflammation, stress levels, temperature exposure, and daily sugar intake all impact your frontline defenses.

Lower chronic inflammation and feed the right internal systems and you’ll have a Navy Seal defense.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Let’s start with the obvious.

“Wash your hands” and “get sleep” is still excellent advice.

✔ 80% of infectious diseases are spread by hands. People touch their face 16-20 times per hour!

✔ Plain soap for 20+ seconds literally breaks apart viruses.

✔ Just one night of poor sleep can equal a 70% drop in natural killer cell activity. (Your first responders to viruses and tumors.)

✔ People who sleep under 6 hours are 4 times more likely to catch a cold after exposure compared to those sleeping 7+ hours.

✔ During sleep, the body releases cytokines (proteins that target infection and inflammation).

⚠ Naps can help, but it’s better to get a good night’s sleep.

D, C, Zinc

✔ Vitamin D = immune regulation + inflammation control

✔ Vitamin C = antioxidant + supports immune cell production

✔ Zinc = helps immune cells communicate

⚠ Dose matters. Too much zinc? It competes with copper and backfires.

Sugar Intake

Nadia’s sweet tooth = immune system sabotage. Excess sugar reduces white blood cell activity for up to 5 hours after eating it. Immune cells get sluggish… like teenagers at 6am.

The good news is, the less sugar you eat, the less you’ll crave. Your taste buds regenerate every 10 – 14 days so if you can cut back or even go cold turkey, blueberries will start to taste like Skittles. 😋

Gut Health

A couple years ago I would probably have had to put this in the Not-So-Obvious category, but I feel like by now, we all know that about 70% of our immune system resides in our gut.

✔️Probiotic pills help, but sauerkraut, kimchi, kefir, or real kombucha are better.

✔️Aim to consume 30+ plant types per week. (Yes – count herbs, spices, beans, oats.)

✔️Include fermented foods (probiotics) and foods high in fiber (prebiotics).

Lower Chronic Stress

Stress doesn’t “weaken” immunity, it distracts it. Cortisol shifts immune resources toward survival instead of repair.

✔️Exercise is stress. Excessive amounts will hurt more than help. TOO MUCH of a good thing IS still too much.

✔️Try some of these tools –

• 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8) or box breathing
• Relaxing music
• 5 min gratitude journal before bed (rewires inflammation pathways – yes, it’s really been studied!)

Elderberry

Randomized trials show elderberry syrup or lozenges shorten flu duration by 3–4 days and reduce symptom severity by ~50%. It’s one of the few herbs with consistent clinical evidence against viruses.

Prioritize Keeping Your Neck, Ears, and Low Back Warm

Grandma was right. Letting those areas get cold increases upper respiratory infections. Scarves, high-neck tops, and keeping feet warm reduce the body’s energy spent on thermoregulation so it can fight pathogens instead.

Humidifiers

Keeping indoor humidity between 40-60% reduces the survival and transmission of influenza and other respiratory viruses, especially in winter.

Once the heat comes on it’s common for a home to drop to 15-30%. (Like desert air.)

This is a good place to transition into lesser known blocks for building that wall…

Nasal Breathing (especially during sleep!)

Seriously, mouth breathers get sick more often. (PLEASE sneak into your kids’ bedrooms some night and see if they are breathing through their mouths.)

Mouth breathing dries tissue, lets more pathogens in, and reduces nitric oxide levels (up to 6 times!) which weakens your antiviral protection.

✔️Train nasal breathing by taping your mouth shut at night.

Cold Exposure (cold plunge OR cold showers)

Cold exposure is like a micro-stress training session for the immune system. You become harder to knock down.

✔ Increases norepinephrine → decreases inflammation

✔ Activates brown fat → improves metabolic health + resilience

✔ May enhance immune cell activity (specifically NK cells)

⚠ Needs consistency; occasional cold plunges or showers don’t do much.

Colostrum

✔ Rich in immunoglobulins (IgG), lactoferrin & growth factors

✔ Studies show reduced respiratory infections & gut permeability

✔ Helps gut lining stay “sealed” – less immune overreaction

L-Glutamine

✔ Essential fuel source for intestinal cells

✔ Helps repair “leaky gut,” which otherwise triggers inflammation

✔ Modestly linked to stronger immune response after illness

Glutathione

Glutathione is your body’s “master antioxidant.” Low levels are linked with respiratory vulnerability.

✔Foods that raise it: asparagus, avocado, spinach, turmeric, whey protein.

Green Tea (or Matcha)

EGCG in green tea has direct antiviral effects and increases gamma-delta T cells. Studies show 3–5 cups daily reduces cold/flu incidence by 20–30%.

Medicinal Mushrooms

Reishi, turkey tail, maitake, cordyceps, and shiitake contain polysaccarides and beta-glucans that directly stimulate macrophages, dendritic cells, and NK cells. Multiple human trials show fewer infections and faster recovery.

Heat Exposure (sauna or hot bath)

✔2–3 sauna sessions/week = up to 40% lower risk of respiratory illness

✔Heat shock proteins improve immunity

Light in the Morning

✔Early daylight → sets circadian rhythm → improved sleep and immune coordination. Even a 10-minute walk can make a difference in your immunity!

✔ Here is the link to the light I recently bought for our kitchen while we’re getting ready in the morning.

Daily Skin-to-Skin or Prolonged Hugging

Skin-to-skin raises prolactin and oxytocin while lowering cortisol; studies on new moms show higher immunoglobulin levels and fewer illnesses when they keep babies close. The same mechanism works with older kids and partners.

✔It’s FREE and has so many more advantages than just boosting immunity. 🥰

Music + Movement / Deliberate Laughter

Listening to your favorite music for 30–50 minutes or having a short dance party raises salivary IgA and lowers stress hormones.

Laughter studies show similar boosts in NK activity and fewer illnesses.

Acupuncture or Simple Acupressure

Acupuncture has good evidence for reducing frequency of colds, allergies, and sinus infections by regulating the autonomic nervous system.

Squeezing the web between your thumb and index finger on one hand with the thumb and finger of the other is a pressure point technique used for quick relief from headaches, sinus pain and general stress. Squeezing for 30 – 60 seconds can ease stress, relieve tooth, head or sinus pain, and can sometimes help with cold symptoms or nasal congestion.

Intentional Time in Green Spaces

Japanese studies since the 2000s have repeatedly shown that 20–120 minutes in a wooded or green area dramatically increases natural killer (NK) cells and anti-cancer proteins, with effects lasting up to 7–30 days.

Let’s Work – the exercise

We all know alcohol is not going to help us here but lets be honest, ’tis the season to do a bit more “cheersing” than usual. Because alcohol destroys gut flora & lowers immunity try to at least follow the 1-for-1 hydration rule and add extra probiotics.

If anyone in your home is prone to recurring respiratory issues like Izak, really focus on the nasal breathing habit, make sure you’re getting enough vitamin D, glutathione & perhaps talk to your doctor about nebulizing saline.

Kevin Housley gives us a game-changing breathing technique in this quick 11 minute episode on his Firefighter Craftsmanship Podcast. He explains how to activate our own nitric oxide (a vasodilator) to clear your nasal passages. Exhale all your air and hold your breath until you really want to breathe. Then, breathe in through your nose. Repeat 3 – 4 times.

Clearly, there are a lot of bricks that go into building a strong wall.

Are any of these new to you? Do you have any to add that I have left out? This is when I wish we were a community so we could all share, but I’m happy to include any great recommendations in future emails so spill the tea girls!

Just don’t spill the GREEN tea, because we need to be drinking that! 😁

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Our Secret Book Club

Today I want to share with you book notes from my journal. I don’t always or only read self-help type books, but when one strikes me, I take notes.

Sometimes I put it in my own words but usually I just write it down word for word as said by the author. For this reason, this email is just between you and me, because I would hate to be accused of plagiarism.

Where I’m able to, I’ve listed what book it came from (and the author). If it resonates, you may consider reading the book. Surely my notes would not be the same as yours and there is more to each book than what I chose to write down!

You might notice some of the themes and even direct quotes from previous emails.

Enjoy! I hope at least some of this is as profound for you as it was for me.

If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate.

The brain is programmed to think. Let it. Notice it. Then give the opposite some airtime too.

HYPERFocus by Chris Bailey

• “The brain receives 11 million bits of info every second.” Timothy Wilson
• Our minds can only process 40 of them.
• HYPERfocus is important but intentional scattered focus is great for creativity and new insights. Deliberately enter both multiple times a day.
• Be intentional with your time. Especially for me. Be deliberate or I’ll end up on IG for hours.

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry – by author and Pastor John Mark Comer

Love, joy and peace are incompatible with hurry.

The average iPhone user touches his or her phone 2617/day. What would life be like if I thought about God that often?

Atlas Of The Heart by Brené Brown

If you want to see what triggers shame for you just fill this in. “It’s very important to me to not be perceived as _________.”

Resentment is not in the anger family. It’s in the envy family. 😳

Anger is often an emotion that’s covering some other emotion.

10% Happier by Dan Harris.

Ask yourself, “Is it useful?” when stuck thinking/spinning.

The One Thing – by authors and real estate entrepreneurs Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan.

• Everything does not matter equally.
• Multi-tasking is a lie. Figure out what matters most in the moment and do that one thing with undivided attention.
• Discipline is a myth. Create the right habits. Successful people do the most important things and consistently.
• Will power has a limited battery life.
• There’s no such thing as a balanced life. If you attend to all things, everything gets short changed.
• Think big. “What’s the one thing I can do, such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”

The Power of NeuroPlasticity by Shad Helmstetter

Because of the way your brain will unconsciously duplicate neural activity of the person you’re with, anyone you spend your time with can imprint your brain with their programs.

Of all of the ways we get programmed it is our self talk, that plays the single most important role in the programming of the brain.

It’s not who you’ve been, it’s who you decide to become, that changes the story you’re about to live.

Your brain grows and changes based on feedback. What you tell it, changes it. And while it’s rewriting itself, your brain then feeds those new programs, those new pictures of yourself, back to you. It’s a feedback loop. What you put in, you get back out, and a continuous neural activity feedback loop.

The beauty of neural plasticity is that when you make changes to what you remember and how you remember it, what you do, and how you do it, your brain overrides the old neural networks with new ones.

How To Do The Work by Dr Nicole LePera

• Become aware of our thoughts, emotions, lies we choose to believe, physical responses to stressors etc.
• Take deep, belly filling breaths then repeat a helpful mantra. “I am all I need.” “There’s no one I’d rather be.” “God wants me to love me too.” Or _________.
• Daily journal prompts
  • I am practicing _____________________.
  • I am grateful for ____________________.
  • Today I am ________________________.
  • Change in this area allows me to ______.
  • Today I am practicing when __________.

Our practiced thoughts become our truth.

Slowing Down To The Speed Of Life by Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey

We have 2 modes of thinking. Processing/Analytical mode and Free-Flowing.

The primary purpose of the Free Thinking mode is to enjoy life, operate at peak performance and efficient levels, and solve problems where one or more variables are unknown.

Our ego does not like not knowing and would rather go over and over what we already think and believe rather than trust in a subtle, unknown process like creative intelligence.

Trust your Free Thinking and accept not knowing. Trust that not knowing is often the best possible means for coming up with the answer.

Trying to rack your brain for the answer is like trying to find something you’ve dropped in the bottom of a pond. Let the silt in the water settle so the water clears and you can find your lost item. If you try to find it, you will just keep stirring up the water and clouding your vision.

Stress isn’t something we catch from the environment or other people. It is something that we quite innocently create by not recognizing the thinking that is creating it.

Something that feels highly stressful to one can feel exhilarating to another. The only difference is the thinking.

The moment we define stress as coming from anywhere outside ourselves, we set ourselves up to experience it.

The fact that you are all caught up in your thinking is more relevant to the way you feel than are the specifics of what you are all caught up about.

Stress is merely your perception of a situation, not the situation itself.

There is nothing in the future to rush off to that can offer me anything more than this present moment.

Make the quality of each moment more important than getting things done.

Thought is the power that creates human experience. What we think becomes our emotions, perceptions, sensations, decisions and behavior. It’s impossible to experience any negative feeling without first creating a negative corresponding thought.

If we believe that our feelings are determined by outside forces, we will seek something equally external in response. When we realize the actual source of our experience is always our thinking, we can begin to restore the power in our lives.

Consciousness is like television – whatever you are tuned in to does not originate in the television itself. The television is only transmitting what’s on the screen. There are many different channels to choose from, not just the one we are currently experiencing.

When we come to understand our thoughts are not caused by other people or outside events, we can no longer indulge in self-pity. Our new vertical shift will not allow us to continue our old habits. Raise your level of understanding (like raising the water under a log jam) instead of trying to change one thought at a time (pulling out one log at a time).

• Know that inner peace is possible.
• Admit that getting what I want isn’t the ultimate answer.
• Put things on the back burner. Trust free thinking. Struggling with our problems rarely solves them. In fact, the mental struggle itself creates our stressful feelings and gets in the way of accessing our wisdom. Dealing head on with our problems usually speeds up our thinking and validates our belief that stress is coming from outside ourselves.
• Understand that stress comes from my thinking. Don’t get caught up. Let thoughts pass on by. A single thought can’t hurt me. Stress is the result of taking thoughts to heart – taking them too seriously.

What brings joy to any experience isn’t the experience itself but the quality of the thinking that we bring to it.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• Be impeccable with your word.
• Do not assume.
• Don’t take things personally.
• Always do your best.

The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff

Argue as if you’re right, but listen as if you’re wrong.

Make the most respectful interpretation of the other person’s perspective.

Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.

Wind extinguishes a candle but energized a fire. Be the fire and wish for the wind.

Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.

Good Inside by Becky Kennedy

Many parents see behavior as a measure of who our kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need.

As is true with every other self-help book – our thoughts lead to our feelings and actions or inactions.

Understanding, not convincing, is what makes people feel secure in a relationship.

Everyone has a profound need to feel seen for who they are, and at any given moment, who we are is related to what we are feeling inside.

Imagine your child has an emotional bank account and the currency is connection. Their behavior at any moment reflects the balance of their account. When we really connect to a child, see their experience, allow for their feelings, and make an effort to understand what’s going on for them, we build our capital.

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

The key question to keep asking is, “Are you spending your time on the right things?” Because time is all you have.

No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.

Time is all you have and you may find one day that you have less than you think.

The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour

First and foremost, we want our teenagers to regard their feelings in this important way: as data.

Research shows that teens with empathetic parents actually have lower levels of systemic inflammation—a biological marker of emotional stress—but we tend to breeze right past offering empathy and instead serve up reassurance.

Imagine that your mind is a pond full of fish. The fish are your feelings. I am to be the pond.

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The Mental Load That No One Sees

There are many “fine lines” for women over 50 but the ones I speak of today are not visible even to the young eyes of those watching us.

I’m talking about the fine lines that only the wisdom of a mother in her second half of life can decipher.

Let’s take the delicate balance between pushing through some discomfort in our workouts, but also listening to our bodies.

That’s IF we even get TO the workout.

We first have to cross the “Push vs. Pause” Line. That whisper of, “You’ll feel better after you move” battling the equally wise, “You actually need rest today.”

One choice sounds disciplined. The other sounds like self-care. Both are right.

And yet somehow, both feel wrong.

There’s a weight we seem to be burdened with by every decision we make.

I woke up this morning at 4. I tried desperately to go back to sleep but gave up around 4:45. I started my day by writing down all the swirling To Dos that had prevented me from going back to sleep.

I also got through some emails and balanced my checkbook. I know people say not to start your day with email but WOW did it feel good to get caught up a bit!

I was feeling pretty good about the progress I’d made before heading downstairs to make sure the kids were up and heading for the cold plunge.

I made it to the Cold Plunge, had the lid off, pillow in place, my phone in the holder with the timer set. I stood there looking down into the cold water … and ALMOST skipped it. 😆

I spend 3 minutes in that tub every morning I am able and as much as I dread getting in, I KNOW I’ll feel better when I get out. And still, I almost talked myself out of it today.

I blame decision fatigue.

I’ve had kids home sick for twelve days straight. Negative COVID tests, Urgent Care and doctor visits… “Just a virus. Could last two weeks!”

Meanwhile, their schools are pinging my inbox with attendance warnings and Nadia can’t get her school iPad to work.

I’m chasing them around with fluids, meds and vitamins, taking temps, asking if they’ve done any available homework, and snuggling when I can.

Oh, and we closed on the old house, my car’s in the shop, and I’ve got 47 micro-missions orbiting my head like caffeinated gnats.

Doesn’t sound like much but let’s take the car bit.

Dealership: “You need front brakes. That’ll be $2,200.”

Me: Texts StarTech for a quote.

StarTech: “$1300.”

Me: Proudly fires back to dealership flaunting the new estimate while simultaneously scheduling with StarTech for Monday.

Dealership: “Oh… We can do $1475.”

Me: “Fine, you already have the car and I have the loaner.” Then I have to text StarTech back to apologize and cancel the appointment I just booked.

Of course, I’m texting Ali between every plot twist: “Yay or nay?” He’s basically my outsourced prefrontal cortex.

I also got a new phone recently. This was challenging enough BEFORE I forgot my master password to my password app. 🫣

Cue no fewer than 10 support emails over the course of a week and massive frustration every time I tried to log in to anything I couldn’t remember the password for.

Speaking of customer support, my hip is cranky and my tens unit went on strike (because I dropped it in the toilet) so I’ve been back and forth with ENSO all week. Still don’t have that fixed.

You get the picture. 47 daily micro-decisions × 12 sick days ÷ 1 semi-functional (hormonal) adult brain = Decision Fatigue.

Every choice chips away at the same mental gas tank.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Every one of those small choices — whether to push or pause, give or guard, grind or rest — drains mental energy. Your brain treats all decisions the same, whether you’re choosing a workout or what to make for dinner.

The more decisions you make, the harder it becomes to make good ones later.

So by 4 pm, it’s not that you’ve lost willpower… you’ve just used up your daily decision quota.

That’s why asking in the evening, “Should I work out or skip it?” feels monumental when at 7 am it was easy. It’s not weakness, it’s brain chemistry.

Moms, especially, live in constant micro-decision mode. AND you’re not just deciding for yourself, you’re making everyone’s decisions:

• Who needs a snack?

• Who’s wearing what?

• Who needs a ride, a form signed, a pep talk, or a consequence?

By the end of the day, you’re a walking, talking, emotionally-spent decision tree and when you finally get a moment alone, your brain just wants to be idle.

That’s when you end up scrolling instead of stretching, snacking instead of sitting with your thoughts, and promising yourself you’ll do better tomorrow.

Every choice we make — to rest or push, to scroll or stretch, to care for ourselves or everyone else — uses energy.

Decision fatigue is real. According to Google,

Let’s Work – the exercise

The key isn’t to eliminate the fine lines, but to draw fewer of them each day by deciding what truly matters ahead of time.

This is where formulating habits can be life changing. Imagine not having to spend ANY energy deciding whether or not to clean the kitchen before bed. Especially if the whole family is involved in this routine!

Many hands make light work.

Imagine the mental energy saved daily if working out is just a habit. It’s not a decision that has to be made. The only choosing involved is what and when, but not IF.

Rituals and rules beat willpower every time.

If it’s a family rule there’s no screen time until chores and homework are done, you won’t have to tightrope-walk between “cool mom” and “mean mom.” Johnny can’t even ask until the room’s clean and the math sheet’s signed. Boom—one less debate, zero guilt, and a whole chunk of brainpower back in your pocket.

Another way to save mental energy is to simplify meals. A few go-to meals on repeat frees up brain space for bigger decisions.

Ditch perfection. You’re not lazy for choosing ease. You’re wise for protecting your mental bandwidth. Forgive the flops.

Pre-decide rest. Schedule downtime with the same authority you give appointments. You don’t have to earn recovery. You plan for it.

Outsource ruthlessly. This includes empowering your husband and kids to help out! Remember, you want your kids to grow up to be good roommates someday.

Where do you see YOUR biggest Area Of Opportunity? Is there a habit that would help free up some energy daily? Is there someone you can hire to help take something off your plate?

It’s not lazy! It’s rationing neurons. Save them for the big stuff, like deciding which kid gets the last cookie.

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The honest self-check you didn’t know you needed.

This is a newsletter about reaching one’s full potential. Excellence in spirit, mind and body.

You’re here, at least in part, because you care about improving.

Hopefully you genuinely like who you are, but if I were to ask you where or how you need to improve you could probably give me a list of things you’d like to change about yourself.

We’ve talked about the domino effect (changing one habit can set many others in motion) and today I’m going to give you a gift to find out what your first domino might be.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

The Arete Warrior Motto is, I choose my thoughts. I control my actions. I chase my full potential.

In the first week of the program we assess where we currently are. We use this Kid’s Wheel in the kids’ program and this more elaborate one for the moms.

There is a lot of room in here for self assessment and notes. I really advise you take some time to dig into the questions and prompts before giving your rating in each category.

You might be surprised.

In case you’ve never done a “wheel” like this, the idea is to rate yourself in each area then connect the dots.

If everything is about the same, your wheel will be similar to a circle. If everything is a 2, your wheel is not going to get you very far per revolution. Moving along in life will take more work and effort.

If every area is an 8 or 9, life is GOOD!

But if one of your categories gets a 2 and all others are an 8, that’s going to make for a bumpy ride. It would be smart to work on extending that 2 a bit. 😉

Let’s Work – the exercise

Get quiet. Truly, decompress. Step away from the chaos to give yourself some time and silence to complete this worksheet thoughtfully.

I have some prompts to help you dig in a bit.

Obviously, depending on the age and willingness of your children, it would be fun to have them do theirs as well.

I recently recorded this interview and I talk in here about how self-reflective and aware Izak has always been. I do believe it was at least in part because I was always open with him about what I was learning and practicing in these areas.

I’m not taking the credit, but I have found the earlier a kid is introduced to these ideas the more receptive they seem to be.

And again, you are giving them a gift to model for them what it looks like to constantly work on yourself. You are showing them that becoming better or more doesn’t just happen. It takes effort.

I’d love to hear from you on this. BONUS – Learning which categories most of you need to improve will help direct future topics for these emails.

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This is the good part (Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet)

It is fall and although summer is my favorite season, I always love when the colors start changing, the temperatures cool down and I can turn on the oven and pull out my sweatshirts.

We are relatively moved in to our new home so this will be our first winter here. This summer was spectacularly busy… and wonderful.

I look back on those torturous weeks we were moving in with such fondness. I wasn’t sleeping and my to do list was as long as Santa’s but my purpose in that season was clear and it kept me feeling valuable and excited for each day.

The same can be said after Izak was born.

It was my first time being a mother. His birth had been so traumatic we’d spent 5 days in the hospital.

When we came home our fridge went out.

I was struggling with the whole breast feeding thing so much he got down to 5 lbs 5 oz.

I wasn’t pooping.

He was anemic so we had to take him in to get little blood draws often…

The list just goes on.

But still, I look back on it as one of the greatest seasons of my life. I knew my purpose and dove into it whole-heartedly.

I regret that, sleep deprived and recovering from the emergency C-section, I still felt compelled to keep up with the laundry, my work and ALL the things, instead of just ENJOYING my new role as mom.

I’ve told every new mother since then the same thing that every mother before me (including my own) told me. “Enjoy this time! It goes by so fast.”

I blinked and now Izak can grow a mustache, drives and plans to leave me in less than 3 years for college.

The lesson I’ve learned is, even if a season seems stressful, I will be looking back on it someday wishing I’d ENJOYED it more.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Years ago, when I was working, I talked to many stay at home moms who were struggling. They felt guilty for not being more thankful that their only job was to raise their precious babies.

They knew they were lucky and felt guilty they weren’t feeling entirely fulfilled.

Partly because of their confessions, I knew I had it good. I had the perfect balance of being able to snuggle my babies during the day, but also could leave them for bits at a time to train clients or work my direct sales nutrition business.

I was making good money and had maintained a financial independence that I tied to my own self-importance.

When that went away suddenly my husband and I had to change how we ran our finances, and I had to change my sense of value and purpose.

When I got the news that my income was going away, I was rocked. I actually went in to a bit of shock.

And yet still I KNEW somewhere inside me, the slamming shut of this door was going to open others.

I’d never had to depend on my husband for money before. We’d kept our own separate checking accounts and I loved this independence.

When my income disappeared, so did a part of my ego.

What I didn’t expect was that in its place, something softer grew – humility, trust, and a surprising kind of anchoring. In that space between pride and surrender, our marriage grew deeper roots.

Many couples were in this business together (ALL IN) with no back up plan. Their worlds were rocked in a scary, volatile way. My husband is a financial planner and had been planning for the unthinkable all along.

I didn’t fall; I was caught. And in the catching, I became a better wife.

My self-image of being a self-sufficient woman making her own money was eventually replaced with a new found gratification and fulfillment in being a bigger contributor inside our home.

I found a new purpose.

I look back on this event, what was a massive blow at the time, as a gift now.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Here are 2 things I know to be true from these life experiences:

One day you’ll miss this season. The happiness you’re looking for is in your current mess, so live like you’ll miss it someday.

And secondly, purpose is the secret ingredient to joy.

I feel good when I’m working from a list and have time to center myself with whatever priorities I have ahead of me. When I’m focused and productive, and make time for quiet, self-reflection, I operate in a much more content way.

Your assignment this week is a suggestion from an amazing book called Radical Acceptance.

If you pay attention to your body when you feel yourself resisting what is, you will notice a tightening. You might feel it in your stomach, shoulders, chest, throat or jaw, but you will feel a physical sensation of closing when your mind is saying NO to what’s in front of it.

Notice it – give yourself a little compassion for the feeling (you have a right to feel whatever you’re feeling).

Then, whisper a little “yes” to yourself.

Notice what happens in your body when you say yes to what’s in front of you – even if it’s not “good” news.

You will likely feel a dropping of the shoulders, a loosening in your chest, an opening of your throat, or a softening in your jaw. And more importantly, you’ll notice the big scary emotion around what was causing the closing to begin with, does not seem so big anymore!

In the words of author Tara Brach,

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VO₂ Max: The Number That Could Add Good Years To Your Life

Most women obsess over the wrong numbers: weight on the scale, calories burned, the circumference of a thigh.

But there’s one number that most women don’t even know exists – and it might actually be the most important one of all.

VO₂ max is the maximum amount of oxygen your body can use during intense exercise. It’s basically your engine size.

The bigger and more efficient your engine, the stronger, more energized, and more resilient you are.

This isn’t just a “fit people” stat. It’s one of the best predictors of how long, and how well, you will live!

Read that again. It’s one of the strongest predictors of longevity AND the quality of those years.

Multiple studies show that VO₂ max is a stronger predictor of long-term survival than traditional risk factors like smoking, diabetes, or high blood pressure. Women with higher VO₂ max scores have dramatically lower rates of chronic disease and mortality.

That’s a pretty good reason to care about yours but if you need another, it keeps your energy up.

You know that “I’m running on fumes” feeling you get by 3pm? A better VO₂ max helps your body use oxygen more efficiently, so you don’t hit the wall so hard.

VO₂ max naturally declines by about 10% per decade after your 30s if you do nothing. But with the right kind of training, you can slow or even reverse that decline.

Women who maintain their cardiorespiratory fitness age stronger, not just longer.

So now that you know WHY it’s important, lets talk about HOW to boost it.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Interval Training. Short bursts of high-intensity work followed by recovery can supercharge VO₂ max. There are many different ways to do this but a simple example would be 30 seconds of hard effort followed by 90 seconds of easier movement. Repeat.

I have been incorporating the Norwegian 4×4 method once or twice a week for the past month or so. After a good warm up, I go hard (usually treadmill or elliptical) for 4 minutes, followed by 3 minutes at a recovery pace. I do this 4 times.

I use a WHOOP and my Apple watch (because I’m a bit obsessed and like to SEE the numbers). As you can see, it is HARD for me to get into Zone 5 (HR > 166).

But you don’t need any sort of tracking. Just go HARD. I actually love the freedom of deciding what I’m going to do each workout. Sometimes, I do shorter intervals.

A few points worth adding.

1. Steady-State Cardio Still Matters. Enjoy your longer walks, runs, or rides. Zone 2 training (moderate, conversational pace) improves your aerobic base.
2. Strength Training Supports It. Better muscle = better oxygen utilization. Even though strength work doesn’t directly raise VO₂ max as much as cardio, it enhances the body’s ability to use that oxygen efficiently.
3. Daily Movement Counts. You don’t need two-hour gym marathons. Even 20–30 minutes of movement, done consistently, builds fitness that adds up.

Let’s Work – the exercise

This is your invitation to get uncomfortable. 🤩 The good news is, it doesn’t have to last long. Little BITS of HARD work go a long way.

Forget chasing smaller jeans ladies. Start chasing a bigger engine.

When you increase your VO₂ max, you don’t just add years to your life—you add life to your years.

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New Year Energy Starts Now

If you’re reading this the day it comes out, you have 82 days until January 1, 2026.

Why do we wait for New Years Day to be motivated to “clean it up”?

Why does it never seem to work?

It is a fact that most New Year’s Resolutions are given up on by March.

Google says.

Why is that?

I believe I have the answer. We approach it all wrong.

We want to HAVE some specific result, so we DO x, y and z… so we can BE whatever it is we want to be (10 lbs lighter for example).

Probably sounds reasonable, right?

If I just HAVE more time, then I’ll DO more workouts, and I’ll BE fit.

We actually have that exactly backwards. The HAVE, DO, BE mentality is setting us up for failure.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

I specifically remember picking Izak up from school one day (I think he was in first grade) and when he got into the car he was upset because he’d just gotten in trouble with a teacher.

In discussing his day I learned they’d just had cupcakes for a kid’s birthday party.

I noticed aloud something like, “That’s the second time lately that you’ve gotten in trouble after eating sugar.”

He didn’t argue with that. In fact, he seemed to contemplate it, then added that he didn’t even feel good. He didn’t like how it made him feel.

This is pretty much the day he stopped eating sugar. Not because I told him to, or because he wanted to reach some health milestone, but because he realized it didn’t fit with how he wanted to feel.

It was hard to find a picture for this email of him eating sugar. I have PLENTY of Nadia. 🤣 She LOVES it.

Nadia has always been an adventure seeker. From a young age she would seek out risks.

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SIDE NOTE: Do you see how she looks at me in this video when I’m freaking out? She looks at me as if it hadn’t occurred to her yet that this was anything but fun. I almost ruin it by my amazement. 🙊

To this day, Nadia doesn’t have to convince herself that she can do hard things. She doesn’t have to talk herself in to accepting many challenges. She considers this part of who she is.

I workout. If anything, I have to talk myself OUT of working out sometimes. (Force myself to take a day off.) It’s just a part of my identity.

Trying to contort ourselves to follow some set of rules is exhausting. Especially if those rules are not who you currently are.

Instead, embrace an identity…. decide you are THIS KIND OF PERSON.

You need to BE who a successful business owner would be and DO what a successful business owner does, if you want to HAVE a successful business.

You need to BE who your ideal mate would want to be with and DO what his ideal mate would do to HAVE your ideal mate.

You need to BE someone who does the essential things to BE lean… DO the things a lean human does, if you want to HAVE a lean body.

This is why I talk about my “Ideal Self” often. I have a vision of her in my mind. Admittedly, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time creating her.

If you take a second and think about it, can you see her?

How does she respond to certain situations?

How does she handle stress?

Is she self-confident?

Loud?

Quiet?

Athletic?

Does she go to book club?

Does she have a lot of friends?

Or just a few close ones?

This is something I talk to my kids about often. You get to choose who you’re going to be! Have you spent any time contemplating this very important decision?

When you step into BEING first, the doing becomes natural. And when the DOING becomes natural, the HAVING follows.

It’s a lot easier to keep promises to yourself when they’re tied to your identity, not just your to-do list.

When you believe that you are “a healthy, strong mom”, it’s easier to choose the apple over the chips – not because you’re forcing yourself to, but because that’s just what this version of you does.

Let’s Work – the exercise

First and foremost, you need to decide who it is you want to be.

Write it out, in detail.

Hopefully, you’re already well on your way. HOPEFULLY, you LIKE who you already are! We’re just trying to improve daily, because that’s what an Arete Woman does. She’s constantly striving for excellence.

If you’re struggling to decide, try this. Get quiet, peaceful, and relaxed… then write a letter to yourself including all the things you’d love for someone to say to and about you. This will tell you a lot.

Secondly, write out some “I am” statements to help remind you who you are. (Who you BE.) Instead of “I want to lose 10 pounds,” write “I am a mom who prioritizes her health and is strong and lean.”

Let the doing flow from the being. Ask yourself, “What does my Ideal Self do today?” Then do that.

Trust the HAVE will follow. Over time, results stack up, because you’re not fueled by willpower, but by identity.