​

A Season Of Preparation and Refocus

Nadia came home with the flu a week ago last Tuesday. We didn’t realize it was the flu until it was too late to give her Tamiflu. When Izak came down with it Saturday night, we got him on it Sunday morning… and six days later, he is still wrecked.

Three months ago I wrote to you about ways to boost your immune system.

Unfortunately, these kids have not been consistent with their morning drink (L-glutamine and colostrum) or their vitamins. I can’t help but wonder, as miserable as Izak is right now, if he will be more diligent from now on.

Meanwhile, I’ve been coughed on, breathed on, and slobbered on. I’ve collected used tissues, scrubbed dishes from their infested rooms, and feel like I’m running a hazmat operation.

And I still feel fine.

I’m a rhinoceros.

Immune strength depends on sleep, proper nutrition, sunlight, washing hands… but it’s also tied to stress.

Which brings me to something seemingly unrelated – Lent.

For everyone, this is flu season. In the Catholic faith, this is also a season of renewal.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Lent started this week on Ash Wednesday. For 40 dys leading up to Easter, Catholics fast, pray and practice generosity, serve others, and resist temptation to deepen their relationship with God.

Whether you’re Catholic or not, there is wisdom here.

I began this season by reading the Litany of Humility. This year, it hit differently. Hard.

I talk often about ego and how it gets in the way of all the wonderful things I want more of in my life.

Peace. Grace. Love.

Reading that prayer asking God to free me from my need for comfort, praise, and approval felt like a body blow.

How many times, for how many years of my life, am I going to struggle to release myself from the self-inflicted bonds of my own over-active ego?

Today’s prayer was more simple.

Empty me – of what disrupts my peace.

Fill me – with a desire to be more like Him.

Use me – let my words and actions reflect God.

Even if you’re not Catholic. Even if you’re not religious. Can you see how beautiful it would be to live this way?

Less striving. Less ego. Less noise.

More peace.

A nervous system living in peace is stronger to fight of germs and other nonsense.

Let’s Work – the exercise

We can’t control every virus that enters our home, but we can control how regulated we are inside of it.

What would be the harm in putting more attention on letting go of all that we pretend to have power over, but don’t?

What would be good about simplifying our lives and renewing our focus on what matters most?

After a particularly frustrating tennis drill this morning, I decided to give up cussing for Lent.

My husband is still laughing.

I’m going to have to start over tomorrow but at least I’m trying. I’m not going to add more stress by beating myself up for my imperfections.

I will love my way through these next 40 days and see what happens.

What could you limit, eliminate or add during this season to bring you more peace, joy and love?

​

Hard Conversations Worth Having

I’m sitting down to write this moments after learning of yet another suicide – this time a long time family friend.

Another young man leaving this world by choice, when others are desperately fighting for every second they get to stay here.

One of my best friends in high school committed suicide. Her first attempt, I was actually in the car with her when she Thelma and Louise’d us off an embankment toward the river below.

I didn’t realize this was intentional until much later.

I’m not proud to admit we’d been drinking before this happened. I cratered the windshield with my head (I still have the “V” scar on my forehead) so my memory of our conversation moments before the Duke of Hazard ride were forgotten until some time later.

I talked her out of suicide many times after that. Eventually, after she moved away to college, she was successful.

I don’t share this for shock value or drama. I share it to explain why I feel like I understand, at least a little, why some people come to believe this devastating choice is their only option.

This was one of my motivations for creating the Arete Warriors program in the first place.

I feel like so many young adults are seeing others’ highlights on social media (for example) and mistaking the continual glamour and celebration for the norm, then silently wondering what is wrong with them, that they are NOT always so happy.

Please know, I’m not blaming social media!

It’s GOOD to see happiness, success, and greatness – but it’s also worth discussing the work it takes to get there. We need to be honest that even the most “put together” lives are not all sunshine and roses, even if they appear to be.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

In our Arete Warrior workouts, the kids had to do a one-minute burpee test. With loud motivating enthusiasm, students would cheer on their partner, encouraging them to squeeze out every last rep during those sixty seconds of physical misery.

I would walk around the room and ask the struggling burpee performers to notice what was going on in their minds. “What are you saying to yourself right now?!”

I’d ask them to check in with their suffering. “Are you uncomfortable?!”

“Where do you feel it?”

We had powerful conversations afterward about how GREAT they felt on the other side of that agony. We’d relish the sense of accomplishment, adrenaline, and the amazement that their bodies were even capable of such effort!

The lesson was less about burpees, and more about learning to embrace discomfort as a part of life – as a pathway to growth. And of course, recognizing the truth that our minds can play tricks on us!

When they were asked to really sit with the pain, they realized it was not in fact, going to kill them.

Of course, one minute of physical suffering doesn’t prepare one for the depth of mental aguish many people endure. But it opens the door to talking about it.

I’ve already told both my kids about our friend’s death by choice. They knew him, pretty well.

It is nothing to shelter them from. We openly discussed (Izak on the phone and Nadia in the car) how sad it was that he felt so lonely, sad, scared… so hopeless that he couldn’t see another way forward.

We talked about how lucky we are to know Jesus – to have a relationship with Someone who brings comfort, understanding, hope and strength when life feels unbearable.

It is not our job to judge him.

I feel only sorrow. Sorrow for him, for his family, for us… and gratitude for the love, kindness and dedicated attention he showed us each on so many occasions.

He really did make this world a better place. I’m so sorry he didn’t know this. Or that it didn’t matter enough for him to stay.

Let’s Work – the exercise

I don’t write this to bring you down. It is a sad topic. But it is alarming to me how MANY people I have known who felt there was no other option.

Mental health conversations are more welcome today than they once were. People are more open about their struggles. Therapies and treatments exist for those who are well enough to pursue them.

I need my kids to know, especially because they DO have such an “easy” life, that there will be hard times. There will be intrusive, bad thoughts and feelings. And they will pass, as long as they don’t let themselves be consumed or defined by them.

Discomfort does not mean something is wrong.

Pain does not mean you are broken.

Struggle does not mean you are alone.

Lisa Damour is one of my favorite authors on the subject of adolescent mental health and resilience. She warns that uncomfortable emotions are not only normal, but essential to growing healthy teens.

Also, I am an open book – a passionate (perhaps excessively) emotionally charged person. My kids see my husband and I verbally spar. I admit, I say irreverent things and I am not afraid to complain out loud about this or that in front of my kids.

They see daily that my every emotion is not butterflies and bliss, and yet, I think they would tell you I’m a genuinely happy person.

We welcome all emotions here. We try not to wallow in the negative ones, but we also recognize that they are important to experience.

I try to always validate what they’re willing to admit they feel.

I try never talk them out of feeling what they’re feeling. I want them to trust their ability to recognize their emotions, and not be afraid of them.

I’m not telling you I’m doing it right. I’m not even suggesting you do it this way in your house. I’m just telling you what I’m doing here – presenting an option for you if you have not adopted a game plan around this topic yet.

Mental health is not the absence of negative emotions, but the ability to sit with them, know they will pass, and not let our lives be consumed by them.

Your kids are never too young to start learning about the power they have. And you are never too old to discover yours.

​

But Even A Superhero Fails On E

34 people subscribed to this newsletter after last week’s post about Nadia’s health struggles.

One of our rules here is Do Not Assume (The Four Agreements), but the timing of this influx does tempt me to guess that many of you are searching for improvements in your health. Or your children’s.

Either way, welcome. I’m truly so glad you’re here and I sincerely hope this little bit of perspective that lands in your inbox each Saturday morning will be worth the time it takes you to read it.

I feel compelled to add that I am not a doctor. Or a psychologist, therapist or even a certified life coach.

But I was a cheerleader in 8th grade so…

And I do have a love for all things self-improvement, vibrant health and helping moms create lives that feel better – not just look good from the outside.

Because if we’re being honest, many of us are hanging on by the seat of our pants, one dropped ball away from panic, while trying to maintain the illusion that we’re doing it all with ease.

Last week I added to your list of responsibilities by suggesting that you not only have to advocate for your own health, but that of your kids as well.

Super. 🙄

So this week, I want to give you some encouragement, because who can’t use a bit of that right now?

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

There are two quick points I want to make.

You are busy loving on these people you live with, but are you feeling loved?

Love cannot be poured out from an empty tank. It’s a currency and when it’s depleted, things can tip in a disastrous direction.

Every blow up I’ve ever been ashamed of (including Tuesday’s) happened when my love tank was on E.

As mothers, we already accept that we won’t meet our kids’ every need in every moment. The same is true in reverse. Our kids, and our husbands, won’t always meet ours either.

It IS possible, probable actually, that we will find ourselves operating on empty many times throughout our lives.

That’s why I love this reminder from You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero.

How different would your life be if you embraced this as 100% undeniable fact?

Do you FEEL loved?

I know most of us feel needed, but do you feel supported, held, chosen?

Do you believe “the Universe… wants to give you everything you desire?”

Many of us are so busy making sure everyone around us is happy, we might feel like the Universe is in fact against us!

I know that when I’m operating from a state of believing I am being “wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration”, my thoughts, language and actions are a lot more inviting for the Universe to “give me everything I desire”.

On Tuesday I wasn’t there. I was operating from tension, resistance and a serious lack of love (and sleep) – and that never ends well.

I did not feel the Universe “wants me to be happy” – so I made sure no one around me was either. 🫣

Another important point Sincero makes is this.

I know we are here to improve, so maybe it’s confusing for me to ask you to believe you’re already perfect as you are, but Reinhold Niebuhr states in my favorite prayer:

The river would be silly to waste energy trying to change her curves, the direction of her flow or the intensity of her rapids.

Imagine how defeating that would be – to go against the Universe like that.

And yet, many of us waste an absurd amount of our precious energy trying to change who we were put on this earth to be, maybe because we don’t actually know who that is anymore.

With constant comparison just a scroll away, it’s no wonder we’re confused about who we’re meant to be and what our life is supposed to look like.

Instead of embracing our uniqueness, we try to blend in. Instead of celebrating differences, we judge those who don’t do it the way we do.

Maybe the real work isn’t becoming someone new – but finally remembering who we were before the noise got so loud.

If you’re exhausted, snappy, discouraged, or quietly resentful, before you blame yourself for failing, ask yourself this…

If I truly loved myself for who I am, uniquely and wonderfully made, would that self-love fill my tank enough to operate from a more peaceful, grace-filled place?

Let’s Work – the exercise

This week I don’t want you to fix anything. I just want you to notice.

Notice when your tank is low.

Notice when you’re not embracing who you are and what makes you uniquely you.

Notice that you can love yourself!

You matter. Your energy matters. Your presence matters.

And the world, your family included, needs YOU, not a burned out, diluted, empty version of you.

What have you been watering down about yourself to fit in?

What do you LOVE about yourself? Are you willing to state it out-loud, boldly?

What if I asked you to tell me what you LOVE about your kiddo? Would that be so much easier to do?

The best way to raise kids who love themselves is to let them watch a grown-up who truly does.

​

She Looked Healthy. Her Bloodwork Said Otherwise.

If you know my Nadia, you know the girl is endless energy. She’s athletic, (too) brave, and always looking for a physical challenge.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s an introvert who also loves being at home. She’s an avid reader, writes elaborate stories, and LOVES to just snuggle.

But as I’ve mentioned before, this fall she missed 10 days of school and over the Christmas break I could barely get her out of her pajamas.

Let me start by admitting this – I secretly admire those mothers who let their kids tough it out. I love the stories of people overcoming hardships when they were young to become the strong, bad-ass adults that they are today.

I often worry my kids have it too easy.

But as I’ve also mentioned, I was miserable for 7 years with unexplainable illness.

I hate fatigue. I despise unnecessary suffering.

Being 12 is hard enough – navigating a tidal wave of hormonal and emotional changes.

On top of residing in a body being remodeled, we’d recently moved from the only home she’d ever known, changed schools, and started a new diving endeavor that takes up 20 hours a week (when we make all the practices).

Because of all this, I did wait longer than I would have otherwise. “It’s just stress.”

“She could be growing.”

“Maybe it’s puberty.”

But she became less excited about diving, asked to leave Parkour early more than once, and after finding her on the floor (above pic) one morning too tired to continue, I had had enough.

A few details that are important to this story:

Nadia has never been a good sleeper. She will sometimes still come into our room at 2am complaining that she has not gotten to sleep yet. 🥺

Hypothyroidism runs rampant in my family so I have been watching for the symptoms since my kids were born.

On top of my family’s history, Ali’s side has Hashimoto’s.

I used to sell nutritional supplements. I am a huge believer in filling in our nutritional gaps, especially for a girl who’s love language is SUGAR.

I feel like I have been chasing Nadia around her whole life, begging her to take her vitamins.

As far as her enthusiastic relationship with sugar, I’ve gone through seasons of just letting her have it, hoping she’d realize on her own that it didn’t feel good to consume so much.

Then I’d go back to policing it since she clearly wasn’t capable yet of using good judgement. 🤨

Everyone has an opinion on this one and I tried them all.

I’d been leaning to the side of letting her be the boss of her body when we finally got the blood work done.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Her blood work came back with MANY “areas of opportunity”.

Her A1C (a measure of your average blood sugar over the last 3 months) came back in the pre-diabetic range. 😳

As my sister (a teacher) pointed out, this is probably far more common than we think since it is not often tested in kids.

We quickly began reigning that in after Nadia heard the news. She knows what Type 1 Diabetes means and she was scared.

I’ll open myself up to being judged for this, but I was ok with that. 😬 I needed her to WANT to change her behavior.

I noticed an improvement in her from this adjustment alone, but she also had some low thyroid numbers that I was eager to tackle.

It took a while to get in to the doctor as it was holiday (and flu) season, and a few days more to get the meds on board, but 3 days after starting the thyroid meds, my baby girl was making a strong comeback. 🥳

She was also low in Vitamin D (common), magnesium and zinc. This one annoyed me as it was VERY avoidable 🤨 but she has now learned from someone other than mom why the vitamins are important and although I still ask every day, she’s getting better at taking them.

Lastly, there were some markers suggesting toxicity of sorts.

Nadia has never been real “regular” and has complained of tummy aches since she was old enough to communicate it.

Again, I’ve been chasing this girl around her whole life with remedies… I’ve tried fiber, probiotics, more water, magnesium, child’s pose… you name it.

But Nadia is fast, busy and hard to catch (and convince). And sometimes, I would just run out of gas and give up. 🫩

Do you feel me mama? Sometimes, we want it more than they do for themselves and it’s an exhausting game to play.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Nadia’s health is private, but what we learned from it shouldn’t be. If our struggle can help even one of you out there, it’s worth sharing.

I really do believe in learning from others. Here is what I (re)learned.

Trust your instincts. No one knows your kids like you do. No one knows what they NEED like you do.

It’s exhausting but be the advocate you need to be to make the necessary changes. I’d complained about ALL these issues before to her general doctor. It wasn’t until we went to this integrative medicine place that they actually cared enough to dig for the answer.

We are mothers and we know A LOT, but we don’t know EVERYTHING. Maybe you need to recruit some help (outside professional voices).

I had actually considered and attempted to employ every potential solution that was eventually needed.

This feels good AND bad.

I get to say “I told you so” and my ego feels all sorts of validated, but I had not in fact been able to implement the actual solution without the help of professionals.

As I’ve mentioned before, as frustrating as it is, our kids sometimes need to hear it from someone other than us.

Our kids need the same foundational health habits we do, but they don’t yet have the self-awareness or logic to self-correct.

We can wake up after a rough night and say, “Okay, bedtime needs to be earlier tonight.”

Our kids are still learning to connect the dots. Depending on their age, they’re not great at recognizing or communicating, what their bodies are asking for.

And yes… it feels unfair. Managing our own health is hard enough! Now we’re responsible for theirs too?

Not forever.

The goal is to teach them how to manage themselves.

Natural consequences are great teachers, but learning happens faster when we pair the suffering with open conversation. We want to help them notice cause and effect so they will be motivated to pay attention and make better choices on their own.

I’ve always taught Nadia to say, “I’m the boss of my body.” But truly, I still boss a lot. My goal is to work myself out of this job.

Reaching our full potential is difficult work mamas. Feeling GOOD makes it a little more attainable.

​

Because You Deserve to Feel Good Again

My hope is that through these weekly emails you are finding ways to make your life better.

Specifically, I want you to FEEL GOOD. When you feel good, you make better choices, have more patience, and treat yourself and your family with more kindness.

There are a LOT of options to choose from out there.

• Drinking Water
• Avoiding Sugar
• Journaling
• Zone 2 cardio
• High Intensity Intervals
• Yoga
• Omegas
• Walks in nature
• Dry Brushing
• Wearable Devices
• Sleep Optimization
• Cold Plunges
• Saunas
• Low Carb
• Fasting
• Limit Screen Time
• Stretching

The list goes on and on….

Each habit has had a life-changing affect on someone, but not each one will be profound for every one who tries it.

The goal is to find what your body needs the most and find a way to fit that in.

I was thinking about this the other day as I spent my usual 3 minutes on the foam roller before my workout.

First of all, my original career plan was to be a Strength and Conditioning Coach for college athletes. I knew even then that my job would not be to make them better at their sport, as much as it would be to keep them healthy so they could play their sport.

And THAT is what would make them better at their sport. So my job was going to be injury prevention.

It is still in my nature to think that way.

How can I keep these mamas healthy, happy, feeling GOOD and IN THE GAME?

We need to stop treating recovery work like optional extra credit and start treating it as non-negotiable as brushing our teeth.

The reason foam rolling (or massage guns, lacrosse balls, or other pressure point tools) is so important was explained simply by one of my favorite physical therapists, Andrew Eaton​

Think of your muscle like a rope. If a muscle (or rope) is tied in a knot somewhere, and you go about trying to stretch it by pulling on each end you will only make that knot tighter.

Andrew usually needles the heck out of me when I see him, but between our visits, I try to use the foam roller, massage gun and other tools.

I seek out and destroy what knots I can find.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

There are other reasons to invest in this practice. If you don’t care what they are, skip this part, go grab your foam roller and press play on the video below.

Fascia gets sticky—manual pressure makes it glide again

Women—especially active moms—tend to accumulate fascial adhesions from repetitive movement, stress, hormones, and the physical chaos of mom-life. Research shows applying shear force to the fascia helps joints move smoothly and decreases pain.

It improves flexibility without stretching forever

Multiple studies show that self-myofascial release (SMR) can increase range of motion immediately—without decreasing strength like long static stretching sometimes does. I’m all about using my time wisely! How ’bout you?

It tones down the nervous system

Women typically carry higher baseline stress loads—caretaking, multitasking, “being needed,” and the never-ending open mental tabs.

Deep, sustained pressure triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing cortisol and relaxing overactive muscle fibers.

It improves muscle activation

When certain tissues are tight, women often compensate with weaker or overworked muscle groups (glutes that refuse to fire, hip flexors doing the MOST). SMR helps “reset” the length-tension relationship of muscles so movement patterns improve.

Stronger workouts, fewer injuries, and better posture.

It helps with hormonal stiffness & inflammation

Perimenopause and hormonal fluctuations can increase systemic inflammation and tissue stiffness. Manual pressure can reduce inflammation in the local tissue and improve mobility.

It boosts circulation (especially needed for women)

Women often have lower resting circulation and colder extremities due to differences in vascular tone and hormonal patterns. SMR increases microcirculation, bringing warmth, nutrients, and oxygen where moms need it most—tight low backs, stiff necks, frozen shoulders, cranky calves.

It’s proactive joint health

SMR improves tissue quality before the joint gets crabby. Better tissue glide = happier joints = fewer long-term aches that make moms feel older than they are.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Here is a quick video of the major muscle groups I do. Sometimes I add my inner thigh by lying face down and parallel to the foam roller. I put one bent leg over the foam roller and roll it up and down my inner thigh. This one can be 😵. If so, you need it!

Whatever feels profound means you should spend more time there.

I will also add, you have to be relaxed when you do this. If you’re tensing muscles to fight back, it’s not going to work.

On the IT Bands for example, ease into that one by taking some weight off with your top leg or using a softer foam roller (or do it on your bed so there’s some give).

You don’t foam roll because you’re “broken.” You do it because you’re a high-performance machine. 💪🏼 And high-performance machines need maintenance.

​

The Woman You Want To Be Has Energy

We’ve been talking about resolutions and the importance of making them identity-based.

Today, we have the “yeah, but” part. Deciding who you want to become is important, but it takes more than a decision.

Self-discovery, determination, and self-discipline matter. But there’s something else we haven’t discussed yet: the capacity to behave in alignment with that identity.

Not just knowing what to do, but actually being able to do it.

You have to know what to do, how to do it and maybe most importantly, have the energy and desire to follow through.

Let me give you an example.

Nadia is a diver. She wants to be a “better” diver. Perhaps a really good diver some day. So we are investing our time, money and energy into diving lessons.

We drive an hour, each way, four times a week (when we’re able to make all the practices). But lately, she has lacked the energy required to even make it through a practice.

Last night, she wanted to leave after the warm up. 🫩

She’s been fighting illness after illness and excessive fatigue.

Part of me wants to tell her to just toughen up. “Power through!” That’s what WE do as moms right?

But luckily, I also believe in the importance of vitality. Especially when you’re 12.

We’ve “complained” of regular stomach aches and fatigue to our general doctor for years.

I’ve been called in for the proverbial “slap on the wrist” at her new school because this fall she missed 10 days. I felt silly telling them, “You think YOU’RE sick and tired!”

When you finally get disgusted enough with your situation, you do something different.

I brought her in to an integrative medicine place for a complete check up over Christmas break. Her blood work gave us some clues that we are pursuing and for the first time in years, I am hopeful that we may be able to find the root cause of her issues.

It doesn’t matter how good her coach is, how hard she tries, or how much money I spend on the lessons, if she doesn’t have the energy to carry out the instructions.

Feeling GOOD, having enough energy, is perhaps my biggest passion in all the topics we cover here. The truth is, none of my advice matters if you don’t FEEL GOOD enough to employ it.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Many beat themselves up for being “lazy”, lacking discipline, or their inability to motivate themselves to do what they’re “supposed” to do, but what if they just don’t have the energy?

There are many reasons why one’s fatigue might be stronger than their will to change.

Many of you know how I was sick for seven years. Nearly every video of Izak when he was young has the proof. I’m the videographer (of course) and so hoarse or hacking up a lung, it almost ruins how cute he was.

My coughing attacks were so bad I cracked 3 ribs.

I will spare you the details but I eventually learned I had Leaky Gut. Eggs and almonds were killing me.

Leaky Gut happens when your stomach lining becomes porous allowing toxins, undigested food and microbes to leak into your blood stream creating an immune response that can manifest in many different ways including digestive issues, trouble focusing, headaches, fatigue, joint pain, skin issues and in my case, continual sickness and trouble getting pregnant.

The overall lesson from this was, what you eat matters. And what’s “good” for one person, is not necessarily good for another.

If you are not feeling awesome, here are more common culprits to consider.

Blood sugar chaos (aka “Why you’re exhausted by 2pm”)

Common signs

• Afternoon crashes
• Irritability when meals are delayed
• “I eat healthy but I’m still tired”

What to look at

• Skipping protein at breakfast
• Living on coffee + adrenaline
• Constant grazing instead of real meals

Measures to suggest

• Protein-forward breakfast (30–40g)
• Fewer processed carbs, more balanced meals
• Fasting only if energy is stable (this is where moms get burned)

If your blood sugar is on a roller coaster, your motivation will be too.

Iron, B12, ferritin & oxygen delivery (Especially for moms.)

Low energy isn’t always “stress.” Sometimes it’s physics. No iron = less oxygen = fatigue.

Measures

• Full iron panel (not just hemoglobin)
• Ferritin (this is the one most doctors skip)
• B12, folate

You can’t out-mindset low oxygen.

Thyroid function (not just TSH!)

So many women are told, “Your thyroid is normal” when it’s barely functioning for their body.

Signs

• Fatigue + cold intolerance
• Brain fog
• Weight changes despite consistency

Measures

• Full thyroid panel (TSH, Free T3, Free T4, antibodies if warranted)
• Consider stress impact—thyroid and cortisol are roommates

Chronic inflammation & gut dysfunction

Signs

• Recurring illness
• Food sensitivities
• Bloating, reflux, chronic cough, skin issues
• Fatigue that sleep doesn’t fix

Measures

• Gut-focused evaluation (stool testing if appropriate)
• Temporary elimination diets (not forever—strategically)
• Reducing ultra-processed foods

If your gut is inflamed, your immune system is on overdrive and fatigue is the cost.

Sleep quality (not just hours)

Moms often technically sleep… but don’t recover.

Signs

• Waking tired
• Needing caffeine immediately
• Energy dips despite 7–8 hours

Measures

• Sleep timing consistency
• Evening light exposure
• Alcohol check (yes, even “just one”)
• Magnesium, glycine
• Bedtime routines

Sleep is where energy is manufactured. You can’t borrow it forever.

Chronic stress & cortisol mismanagement (The sneaky one)

This isn’t “you’re stressed, relax.” This is your nervous system stuck in survival mode.

Signs

• Wired but tired
• Trouble resting
• Crashing after pushing through

Measures

• Nervous system regulation (breath work, walking, sunlight)
• Less HIIT, more strength + zone 2
• Actual rest—not doom-scrolling

Willpower is a terrible long-term fuel source.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Before you decide you need more discipline, ask yourself a better question: “Is my body even capable of the energy I’m demanding from it?”

Energy isn’t a personality trait—it’s a biological resource.

This is a chicken or egg scenario. Many of us think our energy will come back WHEN we “get ourselves together”, but we NEED THE ENERGY TO “get ourselves together” in the first place.

You’re a smart mama. Get quiet and be honest. What do you need? What is your body begging for? If you don’t know, maybe it’s time for a complete blood panel or at least a visit with your doctor.

And if they tell you “This is just part of getting older” walk out and never go back. Find a better doctor.

​

The Me I Long To Be Is Built, Not Born

Last week I mentioned our New Year Resolutions should be identity-based. This means crafting a statement that describes who you want to BE instead of what you want to accomplish.

“I am a lean, healthy mama” is an identity-based statement.

“I want to lose 10 pounds” is a goal that a lean, healthy mama would never have to make because she’s already there.

If you open this on the day it’s sent you’re 3 days in to January, 2026. Some have already loosened, or let go of entirely, the great intentions they set only 3 days ago.

When we actually SET these intentions, we MEAN it! Right?
So how does all that motivation disappear so quickly?

Our mindsets are actually the settings of our mind and therefore can be changed.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

What is your mindset about the world for example? Is it a safe or dangerous place?

How about money? Are you driven by scarcity or do you believe the world is abundant has enough for all of us?

What is your mindset about healthy food? Is it deprivation of all that is yummy or is it scrumptious and delicious?

How about your abilities? Are they fixed? Are we all just born with a given DNA and a given potential? Or can we grow and develop the skills, habits and tendencies that would change our trajectory?

In this Mel Robins podcast, Dr Alia Crum explains why beliefs are so important. Her 2011 famous Milkshake Study gave 46 participants a 380-calorie milkshake on two separate occasions.

At one session, the shake was labeled a “620-calorie Indulgent shake.”

At the other, the exact same 380-calorie shake was labeled a “140-calorie Sensible shake”.

When participants believed they were drinking the indulgent shake, their ghrelin levels (hunger hormone) dropped three times more than when they thought it was the “sensible” option.

Essentially, their bodies responded to the label rather than the actual calories, making them feel physically fuller based on perception alone. 🤯

Your mindset (or settings in your mind) are hugely important and can be changed! But again, you need to know what they are before you can determine if they need changing.

A great self-discovery tool to figure these out is The Work of Byron Katie. I will take you through an abbreviated version of it here. Feel free to do it with me.

Write out a sentence you believe to be true.

My daughter doesn’t listen to me.

Is it true?

Yes.

What happens (how do you react) when you believe that thought?

I feel like she’s doing it on purpose so I take it personally. I get mad! I have no patience because it happens so often. I roll my eyes. I am annoyed!

Who would you be without that thought?

😯

I’d be a much more patient mom. The kind of mom I want to be.

What ELSE could be as true or MORE true? Write the sentence in all the other ways it could be written.

My daughter listens to me.

My daughter can’t hear me.

I don’t listen to my daughter.

Then spend a little time with each of these sentences.

The “I don’t listen to my daughter” one gets me. Could be true in her eyes.

“My daughter CAN’T hear me” has some potential. Her little brain is so busy with ALLLLLL the other things, my words just slide right through those ears.

She may in fact be listening to me, but she’s not doing what I say. Is there some sort of cognitive reason she’s not following my instructions? Am I giving too many tasks at once? I wonder if when I’m giving her things to do I should write them down. 🤔

None of this makes it less annoying! But it does help me not take it personally and I may be on to some ideas as to how to help the situation instead of just spinning in the same reactive patterns.

Let’s Work – the exercise

You’ve heard me talk before about my Ideal Woman. Have you spent any time creating yours?

Honestly.

Have you closed your eyes, gotten quiet, and really spent some time visualizing who she is? What she looks like? How she acts?

When I’m stressed, reactive, or tempted to choose what’s easy, I try to pause and ask: how would she respond? Not how I feel in this moment—but how the woman I respect would act.

Having a clear vision of who you want to be creates a decision filter. It pulls you out of emotion and into identity.

Instead of negotiating with excuses, you’re aligning with values.

Over time, this mental model shrinks the gap between intention and behavior – because identity-driven choices require less willpower and produce more consistency.

Motivation fades. Feelings lie. Identity doesn’t.

When you know who you’re becoming, your responses and actions start matching your standards – even on the days your kids are loud, your patience is thin, and life is asking a lot.

​

You don’t need a new you. You need better support.

What if this was the year you stopped starting over?

The reason people fail at their resolutions is because they are over-ambitious in setting the end goal and under zealous in the actual plan of attack.

We are also often setting the wrong goals.

Last night we had a family brainstorming session like we do every year about this time. We did it over dinner so didn’t write anything down but we took turns sharing.

We learned more about ourselves by asking questions like…

What do I wish my mom would say to me more often?

Who do I look up to?

What makes me mad?

We explored where we currently are and where we want to be by asking questions like…

What is a thought I often have?

What is a thought I wish I would have more often?

We spent time dreaming about our ideal life…

Describe my perfect day.

What is the best feeling in the world?

By the end of the conversation, we had some unique understanding of our greatest “areas of opportunity”.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

We need to fully understand who we are, before we can guess how we want to change.

We want identity-based resolutions.

I’ve written extensively about this.

Often people approach New Year’s Resolutions with an attitude of “What do I need to fix about myself?”

May I suggest that we would be better off asking, “How could I support my future self?”

Instead of “I’m going to be more disciplined” let’s try “What would make healthy choices easier for me on my hardest days?”

I need to help Nadia (and myself for that matter) by not having tempting, sugar-filled foods in this house.

Most resolutions fail because they rely on willpower, not systems.

We need infrastructure, not just good intentions.

Getting the chocolate out of this house would definitely help Nadia consume less sugar.

It also helps everyone if I have healthy, easy, delicious protein and vegetable options already prepared for quick grab-and-go meals.

If you want to workout more – “We’ll see how the day goes” is not a plan. It’s a wish.

Instead, pre-schedule (and prepay) for the classes, book the daycare and set out your workouts clothes the night before.

You need to schedule in your calendar any sort of stress-management or priorities-based resolutions.

Maybe your family needs to protect Thursday nights for family dinners?

Maybe you have a rule that mom and dad have date night every Friday night.

Set boundaries. Everyone’s phones go “in the basket” at 5pm and don’t come out until morning.

If your resolutions require constant willpower, they’re as good as broken. Build systems that carry you when motivation won’t. Your systems should work when you’ve slept 5 hours, a kid is sick and all motivation is missing. Because that’s when they matter most.

Minimum standards instead of big goals.

Systems are basically breaking down the end goal into more manageable steps.

We quit when we miss a day because we are perfectionists. Set a minimum instead of a lofty goal. Build consistency without burnout.

Subtract before you add.

Ask yourself: What am I tolerating that’s draining me? What would I stop doing if I respected my energy more?

Examples:

• Saying YES out of guilt.
• Snacking mindlessly at night
• Doom-scrolling instead of sleeping
• Training like you’re 25

“This year, I stop normalizing exhaustion.”

Energy based (instead of outcome based) resolutions. Weight loss, productivity, patience – those are outcomes. What drives them?

• Sleep
• Blood sugar stability
• Strength
• Stress management

Examples

• “I protect my sleep like it’s my job.”
• “I eat to stabilize my energy, not to punish or reward myself.”
• “I train to be stronger, not smaller.”

Outcomes follow energy. Always.

Perhaps a seasonal approach is best (instead of year long). We don’t live the same life in January as we do in June. Maybe a 90 day resolution makes more sense.

Tonight, we break out our journals and answer the 6 questions Mel Robbins suggests in her podcast How To Make 2026 The Best Year: 6 Questions To Ask Yourself.

Briefly, they are

1. What were the low points of this year?
2. What were the high points?
3. What did you learn?
4. What are you going to stop doing?
5. What are you going to continue doing?
6. What are you going to start/ add?

She states in the introduction, people don’t become great (they don’t get success) by CHANCE, but by the CHOICES they make.

Let’s Work – the exercise

This year doesn’t need a new you. It needs a more supported you. One who eats, rests, trains, and thinks like her energy matters – because it does.

​Here is a worksheet using these ideas to create the 2026 you deserve.

​

I Don’t Wake Up Happy. Happiness Is A Practice.

I think most who know me would call me a happy person. And I am. But it is not a habit. I have to practice.

Not to say I’m not allowed my grumpy, sad or frustrated moments, but without intentional effort, my default is to complain, feel sorry for myself or look at the glass as half empty.

Are you surprised?

Are you disgusted?

Disappointed in me?

“Gee. She sure had me fooled.”

The brain is actually wired with a negativity bias – meaning my grumpy default isn’t a character flaw; it’s biology. Our brains prioritize threats and problems unless we consciously redirect them.

Especially in seasons like this, when my calendar, brain and to do list are beyond full, I have to REMIND myself how lucky I am.

Ali reminds me.

Often, the list in front of me that feels overwhelming is because I HAVE SO MUCH.

Taking care of this beautiful house I’m so lucky to live in, coordinating kids we’re so lucky to have, and balancing a schedule that’s filled to the brim… with FUN!

My mom is not like this.

Truly, she is so sweet and such a good Catholic that Ali says the Pope calls HER for advice.

Her default is to shrug off impositions and focus on all the good that surrounds her, even if there is none – then she’ll focus on the good that is certainly out there in the world. Somewhere. Maybe far away.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

When I think of my ideal woman, she is a glass half full kind of human with a naturally light-hearted disposition. She assumes the best in others and in each situation.

She is not quick to anger, she does not take things personally, and she will not assume someone else’s bad mood or poor choice of words has anything to do with her.

The smile on her face is because she knows she is blessed. She constantly enjoys the gifts that surround her. She finds the good in every situation and loves whole-heartedly.

She is playful, content and at peace.

I think it all comes down to where we focus our attention. Life coaches and gurus agree.

Tony Robbins says, “Where our attention goes, energy flows.”

“When you focus on the good, the good gets better.” Abraham Hicks

And Mary Oliver writes, “Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”

I shared this example on social media and someone burned me for “gaslighting” my daughter by not letting her be upset if she wanted to be upset.

I assured her I’m all about validating feelings, but point is we get to choose what we focus on… kind of like her focusing on the negative instead of noticing how much better Nadia’s mood was after our talk.

The good news is, the brain strengthens what it repeatedly practices (neuroplasticity). We are able to train our brains with intentional input.

Research also shows that we can behave our way into a better mood more easily than we can think our way into them. Action precedes emotion far more often than the reverse.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Maybe “happy” is not what your ideal woman looks like. Perhaps yours is serious. More professional. Level.

But I ask you this, are you as happy as you “should” be?

Here’s what I will be constantly asking myself this week…

What am I taking for granted?

What am I thankful for?

What do I have in my life today that years ago I DREAMED of having some day?

Am I healthy? Do I have a roof over my head?

How lucky am I to be loved?

​

Dear Santa, My Nervous System Needs A Bonus

It’s that time of year when moms add Santa to the job title – right behind CEO, chauffeur, therapist, and chef. We’re juggling protein goals, peace on earth and a suspicious number of Amazon packages.

Magical? Yes.

Exhausting? Also yes.

I’d love to help you. How can I make this even just a bit easier for you this season?

Here are some ideas.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

FOOD PREP

You need to be ok with leftovers if only for this season. Plan to cook two dinners this week and Intentionally make too much. We are munching off leftover brisket and chicken thighs from a party we hosted Sunday and it’s made for an easy cooking week for me.

Focus on keeping protein sources handy. Let’s be honest, we’re going to get plenty of carbs. 🍪🍫🥂

GIFT IDEAS

The best gifts are the ones we wouldn’t splurge on for ourselves but they make life easier, more enjoyable or fill some real need.

Since I know you value your health, so your loved ones might too, we’ll start there.

I’m a big fan of my Whoop (if you use this link you can get a discount on it) but Ali wants to try the Oura Ring, so that’s what he’s getting this Christmas. ($200-$600)

We fight over our hypervolt massage gun but this RENPHO Active Thermacool 2 Massage Gun on Amazon is highly rated and on sale right now. (<$100 on sale)

I’ve given a care package of my favorite healthy supplements to friends before as a gift so they could try many and see which ones they like best. (Varies)

I have a few different Red Light Therapy devises around here. One near my bed, one for anyone watching TV, etc. This one is highly rated if you’re interested in that as a gift idea! (<$100 on sale)

Perhaps a punch pass to a local rec center, fitness studio, or personal training would be an excellent gift idea! (Varies)

If you live in the Denver area (and especially if you have athlete kids) my kids have both worked out at KULA and although it’s not cheap, I was impressed with the quality of their classes and coaching. They also train adults.

Moving on from physical health to the mental kind. These are some gift ideas that would make like more enjoyable.

We play games and a few of our favorites are Chameleon ($20), Mexican Train Dominoes (~$60), and I love Rummikub ($20) though I’m admittedly a bigger fan than Ali.

Nadia is currently obsessed with one of my childhood favorites, Chinese Checkers. ($40)

You could gift memberships to Audible ($150 for 1 year), KiwiCo (monthly STEM projects for kids), or your local museum or Zoo would all be wonderful gifts!

Memberships to help make life easier might include a food prep service (like Factor 75, HelloFresh or Home Chef), a car wash membership or grocery delivery service (InstaCart or Amazon Fresh).

I love supporting friends’ businesses. I have sent my massage therapist as a gift, my housekeepers, babysitter, and handyman too.

Meditation apps such as HeadSpace, Calm or InsightTimer are the perfect example of something one might not spend the money on for themselves, but they would definitely fill a need.

And let’s be honest, a gift certificate to dinner out, a favorite local coffee shop or for a spa treatment of some kind would all be huge hits!

I try to lean toward the EXPERIENCE over CLUTTER, can you tell?

Let’s Work – the exercise

I’ve created a few gifts for you as well this holiday season.

The Arete Warrior program was designed to be a 10 week course, meeting once weekly with me (or another instructor) for a workout and class activities. The program was designed to teach self-awareness, control, discipline, and an understanding of overall health concepts such as sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

This material was geared toward elementary and middle school aged kids.

Here is the complete, full color Arete Warrior journal for you to share with your kids (or nieces, nephews, etc).

I’ve combined the weekly exercises into this small kit that you can print out and bind or use however you wish.

And for YOU mama, here is your kit including some journal pages, exercises for self-discovery, a quiz to determine your love language, and a worksheet to practice The Work by Byron Katie.

And finally, here is a complete (cardio + lifting) 45 minute workout you can do at home with only a few (ideally heavy) dumbbells. I will say this gift is temporary so if you want to do it, do it soon. 😁

Happy shopping, partying, wrapping, cooking, grocery getting, driving, delivering, coordinating, cleaning, organizing, planning, snuggling, SMILING and don’t forgot to find some time for YOU.