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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong
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I Don’t Wake Up Happy. Happiness Is A Practice.
I think most who know me would call me a happy person. And I am. But it is not a habit. I have to practice.
Not to say I’m not allowed my grumpy, sad or frustrated moments, but without intentional effort, my default is to complain, feel sorry for myself or look at the glass as half empty.
Are you surprised?
Are you disgusted?
Disappointed in me?
“Gee. She sure had me fooled.”
The brain is actually wired with a negativity bias – meaning my grumpy default isn’t a character flaw; it’s biology. Our brains prioritize threats and problems unless we consciously redirect them.
Especially in seasons like this, when my calendar, brain and to do list are beyond full, I have to REMIND myself how lucky I am.
Ali reminds me.
Often, the list in front of me that feels overwhelming is because I HAVE SO MUCH.
Taking care of this beautiful house I’m so lucky to live in, coordinating kids we’re so lucky to have, and balancing a schedule that’s filled to the brim… with FUN!
My mom is not like this.
Truly, she is so sweet and such a good Catholic that Ali says the Pope calls HER for advice.
Her default is to shrug off impositions and focus on all the good that surrounds her, even if there is none – then she’ll focus on the good that is certainly out there in the world. Somewhere. Maybe far away.
Let’s Prepare – the warm up
When I think of my ideal woman, she is a glass half full kind of human with a naturally light-hearted disposition. She assumes the best in others and in each situation.
She is not quick to anger, she does not take things personally, and she will not assume someone else’s bad mood or poor choice of words has anything to do with her.
The smile on her face is because she knows she is blessed. She constantly enjoys the gifts that surround her. She finds the good in every situation and loves whole-heartedly.
She is playful, content and at peace.
I think it all comes down to where we focus our attention. Life coaches and gurus agree.
Tony Robbins says, “Where our attention goes, energy flows.”
“When you focus on the good, the good gets better.” Abraham Hicks
And Mary Oliver writes, “Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
I shared this example on social media and someone burned me for “gaslighting” my daughter by not letting her be upset if she wanted to be upset.
I assured her I’m all about validating feelings, but point is we get to choose what we focus on… kind of like her focusing on the negative instead of noticing how much better Nadia’s mood was after our talk.
The good news is, the brain strengthens what it repeatedly practices (neuroplasticity). We are able to train our brains with intentional input.
Research also shows that we can behave our way into a better mood more easily than we can think our way into them. Action precedes emotion far more often than the reverse.
Let’s Work – the exercise
Maybe “happy” is not what your ideal woman looks like. Perhaps yours is serious. More professional. Level.
But I ask you this, are you as happy as you “should” be?
Here’s what I will be constantly asking myself this week…
What am I taking for granted?
What am I thankful for?
What do I have in my life today that years ago I DREAMED of having some day?
Am I healthy? Do I have a roof over my head?
How lucky am I to be loved?
