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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Happiness

This is the good part (Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet)

It is fall and although summer is my favorite season, I always love when the colors start changing, the temperatures cool down and I can turn on the oven and pull out my sweatshirts.

We are relatively moved in to our new home so this will be our first winter here. This summer was spectacularly busy… and wonderful.

I look back on those torturous weeks we were moving in with such fondness. I wasn’t sleeping and my to do list was as long as Santa’s but my purpose in that season was clear and it kept me feeling valuable and excited for each day.

The same can be said after Izak was born.

It was my first time being a mother. His birth had been so traumatic we’d spent 5 days in the hospital.

When we came home our fridge went out.

I was struggling with the whole breast feeding thing so much he got down to 5 lbs 5 oz.

I wasn’t pooping.

He was anemic so we had to take him in to get little blood draws often…

The list just goes on.

But still, I look back on it as one of the greatest seasons of my life. I knew my purpose and dove into it whole-heartedly.

I regret that, sleep deprived and recovering from the emergency C-section, I still felt compelled to keep up with the laundry, my work and ALL the things, instead of just ENJOYING my new role as mom.

I’ve told every new mother since then the same thing that every mother before me (including my own) told me. “Enjoy this time! It goes by so fast.”

I blinked and now Izak can grow a mustache, drives and plans to leave me in less than 3 years for college.

The lesson I’ve learned is, even if a season seems stressful, I will be looking back on it someday wishing I’d ENJOYED it more.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Years ago, when I was working, I talked to many stay at home moms who were struggling. They felt guilty for not being more thankful that their only job was to raise their precious babies.

They knew they were lucky and felt guilty they weren’t feeling entirely fulfilled.

Partly because of their confessions, I knew I had it good. I had the perfect balance of being able to snuggle my babies during the day, but also could leave them for bits at a time to train clients or work my direct sales nutrition business.

I was making good money and had maintained a financial independence that I tied to my own self-importance.

When that went away suddenly my husband and I had to change how we ran our finances, and I had to change my sense of value and purpose.

When I got the news that my income was going away, I was rocked. I actually went in to a bit of shock.

And yet still I KNEW somewhere inside me, the slamming shut of this door was going to open others.

I’d never had to depend on my husband for money before. We’d kept our own separate checking accounts and I loved this independence.

When my income disappeared, so did a part of my ego.

What I didn’t expect was that in its place, something softer grew – humility, trust, and a surprising kind of anchoring. In that space between pride and surrender, our marriage grew deeper roots.

Many couples were in this business together (ALL IN) with no back up plan. Their worlds were rocked in a scary, volatile way. My husband is a financial planner and had been planning for the unthinkable all along.

I didn’t fall; I was caught. And in the catching, I became a better wife.

My self-image of being a self-sufficient woman making her own money was eventually replaced with a new found gratification and fulfillment in being a bigger contributor inside our home.

I found a new purpose.

I look back on this event, what was a massive blow at the time, as a gift now.

Let’s Work – the exercise

Here are 2 things I know to be true from these life experiences:

One day you’ll miss this season. The happiness you’re looking for is in your current mess, so live like you’ll miss it someday.

And secondly, purpose is the secret ingredient to joy.

I feel good when I’m working from a list and have time to center myself with whatever priorities I have ahead of me. When I’m focused and productive, and make time for quiet, self-reflection, I operate in a much more content way.

Your assignment this week is a suggestion from an amazing book called Radical Acceptance.

If you pay attention to your body when you feel yourself resisting what is, you will notice a tightening. You might feel it in your stomach, shoulders, chest, throat or jaw, but you will feel a physical sensation of closing when your mind is saying NO to what’s in front of it.

Notice it – give yourself a little compassion for the feeling (you have a right to feel whatever you’re feeling).

Then, whisper a little “yes” to yourself.

Notice what happens in your body when you say yes to what’s in front of you – even if it’s not “good” news.

You will likely feel a dropping of the shoulders, a loosening in your chest, an opening of your throat, or a softening in your jaw. And more importantly, you’ll notice the big scary emotion around what was causing the closing to begin with, does not seem so big anymore!

In the words of author Tara Brach,

The good ol days are happening NOW.