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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong
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It used to be our village, now it’s the whole crazy world.
When Nadia was in kindergarten and Izak 2nd grade, I was busy working and although I had a nanny, I still called upon other mothers to help me on occasion.
I remember standing in a circle of moms (and Ali) on the playground at drop off one Monday morning. Everyone was quiet while I was thanking this mom and that one for help with different things over the past few days.
I’d made a joke about something stupid I did also and although the women were not laughing, I was. I ended my short speech with, “It takes a village!”
It was silence until my sweet husband chimed in, “And every village needs an idiot!”
I busted out laughing but somehow noticed a look of surprise on a couple moms’ faces.
I realize my husband and I are a bit much for some but I found him hilarious and knew he did not mean it as an insult to me.
They didn’t know him well however and assumed the worst.
I have prided myself on not being easily offended but those who know me well would also know that I AM in fact, sensitive.
I struggle to not take it personally when a customer service representative is rude to me or if someone cuts me off in traffic.
The difference is, when it’s a friend or my husband, I know their intent. I know their heart. I know they love me.
When it’s a stranger, I have to remind myself to assume the best. Don’t take it personally.
Isn’t that interesting? Why should it matter?
Words are just words – regardless of the speaker’s intent or level of concern for me.
How much better would my life be if I could always assume the BEST, or better yet, have no judgement or personal attachment about the words being spoken around, about or to me?
But words have power. Good and bad.
Let’s Prepare – the warm up
When Izak was 9 we listened to The Way Of The Warrior Kid by Jocko Willink. As soon as it was finished, he asked if we could listen to it again.
By the end of that year he was waking up at 6am to workout before school and become very interested in all things discipline.
I watched him transform before my very eyes because of a story, written by a complete stranger. Mind you, I’d probably mentioned (more than once) all the benefits of discipline to him before! It’s not like this was a new concept.
He later intensified his healthy eating when he became obsessed with The Spy School series. He wanted the incredible eye sight and memory of one of the hero spies in the book. He even wrote Stuart Gibbs (the author) a letter at one point thanking him.
Jocko Willink and Stuart Gibbs are not part of my village but they have both had a big, positive influence on my son.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of potential negative influences available to him as well.
Today, it is almost impossible to shelter our kids from anything. They have access to everything, good or bad, at their finger tips.
On September 10, Izak saw the horrific murder of Charlie Kirk. The actual footage.
We have a friend (Izak’s age) who goes to Evergreen High School. He was with the shooter moments before the attack and noticed nothing unusual.
He’s now tormented by the events of that day and will be for years to come.
In an instant, so many lives changed forever… for those lucky enough to still be living one.
Of course we talked to Izak, but he also found comfort in hanging with friends who knew Charlie. He reached out to a friend of ours (a retired Marine who’s over 50 years older than him). He went to a vigil at his school and wrote Erika Kirk a personal note.
Last week I told you I have a life outside of my kids. This week, I’m thankful my kids have influences to lean on outside of me.
The challenging balance is allowing a world full of love and positive influence in, while somehow also teaching them to guard their hearts and minds with all their might.
The media, for example, is no longer an objective report of facts. Its intention is not as much to inform us, as it is to sell our attention.
What sells? Drama. There is an old adage in media, “If it bleeds, it leads”–what an awful mantra.
The media’s job is to stir us up so we’ll keep clicking. Our job as moms is to teach our kids how not to be stirred.
Our goal cannot be to shelter them from what is. We need to be models for our kids how to think critically and calmly in a world that profits from panic.
Before we bought this house, we had a different one under contract.
We brought the kids by to see it before we signed the deal and their relator was soooo nice to us. I knew the kids felt like she was our new best friend.
It might sound cynical but I took this opportunity for a lesson and pointed it out to them as we drove away.
“Mary sure was nice, wasn’t she?”
Oh yes, they agreed whole-heartedly.
The conversation that followed was about intentions. Hers mainly and how they may (or may not) be affecting her personality.
This was no poke at Mary! She may well have been that nice to the man holding a sign on the street corner, but I felt it was a real time example to just be aware.
Oddly enough, Mary did not end up being very nice when there was a stucco issue and it did end up costing her clients the deal. 😬
Let’s Work – the exercise
We cannot possibly know the intent of every person who has influence on our children and we cannot shelter our kids from every bad thing the world has to offer.
I also don’t want mine being weary or judgmental of every kind act or person who shows interest in them.
What I can do is model for them how to keep a level head and respond instead of react. Pause to decipher, before any decisions are made.
The world may be out of control, but our response never is. And in that space lies our greatest power.
We can’t silence the world, but we can raise kids who know when to listen, when to question, and when to walk away – and that’s the kind of protections that lasts.
