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Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong
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The Untethered Soul
Dear Reader,
*Disclaimer: There is no way I can do this book justice. Go read the book. It is so profound in fact, that I am cutting it in to two parts. I’m sorry this Part 1 is so long. Please give it a go as I do believe it is life changing information.
We all have continuous chatter going on in our minds. If you pay attention you will notice this constant voice narrating life for you inside your mind.
If you are right now, saying to yourself, “I don’t talk to myself”, that’s the voice.
Sometimes, it’s stating useless information like, “Boy, it’s hot!” or “There’s a bird.”
Why?
In The Untethered Soul, author Michael A. Singer writes,
You re-create the world within your mind because you can control your mind whereas you can’t control the world…. you re-create the outside world inside yourself, and then you live in your mind.
But, not only does it distract us out of our ideal state of presence, it is often a waste of time & energy turning over issues we have no control over.
In fact, your thoughts have far less impact on this world than you would like to think. If you’re willing to be objective and watch all your thoughts, you will see that the vast majority of them have no relevance. They have no effect on anything or anybody, except you. They are simply making you feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past, or what might go on in the future. If you spend your time hoping that it doesn’t rain tomorrow, you are wasting your time. Your thoughts don’t change the rain. You will someday come to see that there is no use for that incessant internal chatter, and there is no reason to constantly attempt to figure everything out. Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself, it’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems.
You’ll notice it’s often a 2-way conversation. The back & forth chatter is like having an internal roommate.
How many times has that roommate gotten you to believe something that wasn’t actually true? How often does this roommate introduce worry or shame when there would otherwise be none?
It is this roommate that often leads you to assume the worst, take things personally, or misjudge a situation entirely.
If a roommate was in our ear speaking what our internal voice says to us we would kick them out & yet, we still keep listening to this nonsense.
Shoot. I forgot to call Betsy.
Dang it! How could you forget AGAIN?
It was a busy day.
Yeah, but this was at the top of the list!
I forgot to read the list.
How do you FORGET to READ THE LIST!?“
When you catch yourself in this back & forth dialogue, which one are you? Are you getting yelled at or are you doing the yelling?
In fact, if I were to ask you, “Who are you?” how would you answer?
I’m Jill Barghelame.
Well, that’s your name, but who are you?
I’m a wife & mother….
No, that’s not it, because you were still you before you became a wife & mom.
I was born & raised in Idaho, the 4th of 5 children. I rode horses, played sports, eventually went to college…
Nope. That’s what has happened in your lifetime.
The answer Reader, is that you are the witness observing the events, thoughts, & emotions that pass by & through you every day.
Stay with me, because this really does matter.
When you can identify as the witness, & not the narrator inside, not the thoughts or emotions associated with what your body is experiencing, you will lighten in a way that elevates your entire existence.
Freedom is being able to watch your problems objectively, instead of letting them consume you.
Awareness by the mind of itself & the world is consciousness.
As you pull back into the consciousness, this world ceases to be a problem. It’s just something you’re watching. It keeps changing, but there is no sense of that being a problem. The more you are willing to just let the world be something you’re aware of, the more it will let you be who you are – the awareness, the Self… the Soul.
Most of us live in fear of any “bad” emotion that might come our way so we build all kinds of thoughts & dialogue to “protect” ourselves from having to feel those emotions.
Trying to manage every aspect of the world around us is exhausting! Thoughts cost energy. How much energy are we wasting on what we have no control over?
Let’s Prepare – the warm up
We experience energy shifts that have nothing to do with food, water, or sleep.
In the book, Singer uses the example of a horrible breakup. Perhaps the girl who got dumped, spends the next four weeks moping around her dark apartment in her pajamas, eating ice cream, & avoiding social outings with her friends.
She has no energy to go out, much less workout. Her heart is closed.
But then, after a month of this, the phone rings & it’s the ex-boyfriend pleading for forgiveness, insisting he made a horrible mistake & begging her to come back.
“Can I come see you?”
Suddenly, she has all kinds of energy! Her heart is racing as she runs around the place cleaning up the ice cream evidence & jumps in the shower for the first time in weeks. Her heart is open.
The heart is an enormous energy center. A beautiful, powerful chakra.
We can close our hearts (a “protective” mechanism) or we can choose to stay open which allows love, enthusiasm, excitement, & energy to flow so freely that it effects those around us as well. It is that noticeable.
We all know someone like this – they radiate love & never seem to be in a bad mood.
What causes the heart to open or close? And how do we keep it open?
Our hearts will close when we bump into a past experience that upset some part of us we never resolved. Our hearts close when we live in fear of “negative” emotions.
To prevent this closure, we need awareness of this tendency & to make the conscious decision to remain open at the time of the upset, so that these energies don’t get locked up inside of us.
Acceptance is the act of letting energies pass through you.
When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this?”
Life is a series of experiences, one after another. Most are so uneventful & mundane they pass right through us, unnoticed.
But sometimes, simple experiences like overhearing a comment or seeing an ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend… These experiences meet resistance in our bodies, get stuck & don’t just pass on through.
They stop us. We start analyzing, mulling over all the possibilities, trying to manipulate & control what we can.
Were they talking about me? Did I see that right?
We are so distracted by what just happened we not only miss the next experience but our emotions strangle the event that might otherwise be NOTHING & turn it into potential scarring that will affect how we process future experiences.
How many times as a child do you think you did not get the level of love & attention you needed in that moment?
How many times did you get your feelings hurt & no one was there to explain you misunderstood the situation?
We all have these experiences that influence our internal chatter, which creates who we become, our relationships, beliefs, fears & desires.
Our ability to notice potential danger is a genius design of course, but when we are so hell bent on controlling every single thing, almost anything can seem like a threat.
How about the ultimate perceived threat, death?
There’s a reason death is called the greatest teacher. Most of what seems important to us today, would instantly lose it’s significance if we knew this was our last day on earth.
Our money, our weight, whether we’re right or wrong, every bad driver, what Shiela said in the meeting … suddenly none of it would matter.
If we knew today was our last, our focus & attention would shift to what IS important.
We would be totally immersed in every conversation, we would listen to every word our child speaks, we’d be sure to let them know how MUCH we love them.
Suddenly, the list of what we’ve valued seems quite petty doesn’t it?
Death changes everything in a flash. That’s the reality of the situation. If all these things can be changed in an instant, then maybe they aren’t so real after all.
It is our perception, not the events or experiences that matter & our perception is often laced with fear. Fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of not having control over our lives & our surroundings.
What if you knew that the next person you’d see would be the last person you would ever see? You’d be right there soaking it in, experiencing it. It wouldn’t matter what they were saying; you’d just enjoy hearing the words because it would be the last conversation you’d ever have. What if you brought that kind of awareness to every conversation? That’s what happens when you’re told that death is around the corner: you change, life doesn’t change.
Emotions are not good or bad, but we tend to judge them as so. We own them so fully they become a part of our identity, instead of remembering that we are only the observer of them.
We are not depression. We are not joy! These are just things (emotions) passing through us.
We are the awareness that notice these energies coming & choose to resist (close up) or relax & release (remain open).
If you want to be free, then every time you feel any change in the energy flow, relax behind it. Don’t fight with it, don’t try to change it, and don’t judge it. Don’t say, “Oh, I can’t believe I’m still feeling this. I promised myself I wouldn’t think about that (boy) anymore.” Don’t do that; you’ll just end up going with the guilt thoughts instead of the (boy) thoughts. You have to let them all go.
What we focus on will grow. The tiniest offense will turn into full blown obsession if we choose to focus on it.
If we can be aware enough to notice the initial moment, the first instant the energy starts to swing in one direction, & remind ourselves we are only the witness, we can choose to relax, release, & let that wave pass right on by.
This isn’t about eliminating emotions. It is a practice of not being swept away by them. It is the human tendency to resist or avoid what we deem troublesome (which actually causes MORE harm than we realize) & to keep in our possession what we like or enjoy.
If your teenager hears her crush say, “I love you” she might swoon with all the wonderful emotions associated with feeling loved.
She is not aware enough to understand she is only the witness of such emotions. She feels like they define her.
Her energy, internal dialogue & actions will instantly go to work trying to cling on to that feeling.
She will do whatever she must to keep his attention & love. She obliviously ties her life happiness to this wonderful emotion, & that is why she is entirely crushed when he decides he loves someone else the following week.
She has not changed. Someone ELSE has changed his mind.
Is she allowed to feel sad? Of course!
Will this event leave behind an impression on her heart? Absolutely.
But if her self-worth & identity are not tied to the high or low emotions she feels, if she can separate her Self from those massive extremes, she will not be ruined by the experience.
The Self is watching the inside energies change in accordance to both inside and outside forces. All the energies that it watches will just come and go, unless you lose your center of consciousness and go with them.
As long as you’re watching, you won’t get lost in it.
Freedom is not the absence of unwelcome emotions. Greed, jealousy, hurt, shame, loss, attraction & repulsion exist! Freedom is being able to notice & release these emotions, without letting them tie you up in knots.
The cause of every problem is fear. Make it your goal in life to find out what fears you have, then face them head on.
Let’s Work – the exercise
By watching your mind, you will notice that it engages in the process of trying to make everything okay. Consciously remember that this is not what you want to do, and then gently disengage. Do not fight it. Do not ever fight your mind. You will never win. It will either beat you now, or you will suppress it and it will come back to beat you later. Instead of fighting the mind, just don’t participate in it.
Notice your mind’s continuous desperate need to protect you from your fears then relieve it of that responsibility.
In fact, I want us to purposefully endure some events the ego is trying to protect us from.
When someone cuts you off in traffic or someone says something disrespectful to you, practice just hearing the words or watching the action, then witness the instant protective banter your mind begins.
Notice it, then exhale it away. Do not engage. Do not take your internal roommate’s advice.
Practice the release of your pretend control & see what happens.
Take notes. I can’t wait to hear from you about this Reader.
