Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Parenting

When I fail, it’s almost always for the same reason.

This is not self-deprecating modesty. And I realize it is not the Positive Self-Talk I preach, but it is the truth.

I need you to know Reader, just because I’m writing to you about reaching your full potential, does NOT mean I have reached mine.

I am no expert.

Far from it.

I write with the sole intent of bringing you along with me on my quest to become better myself.

I have had the desire to be better for a long time. I have read books, watched videos & listened to podcasts.

But just because I have the information in my head, does NOT mean I execute the instructions perfectly…

or even well.

I learned at some point that if you want to master something, you need to teach it. So here I am. At least in part, for my own selfish reasons.

I’m not ready to share with you my worst parenting moment, but it was horrible. I did not beat my child, but I verbally wounded her precious little spirit & I will never forget the look on her face when I did it.

She left the room defeated & in tears. My head & shoulders sagged in disgust at what I’d just done. Izak, the only other witness, immediately walked over to me & put his hand on my shoulder.

I said, “I am a horrible mother.”

He responded sweetly, “No you’re not. You just didn’t handle that the best way possible.”

I think he was 11. So she was maybe 7.

She is a challenge for me, perhaps because we are so similar.

She’s also amazing… so much smarter, athletic & sweet than I ever was or will be.

She’s reading Romeo & Juliet right now & often uses words in her every day vocabulary that shock me. She’s a genius!

But she will run an entire cycle of the dryer having forgotten to put any clothes in it first.

She will address envelopes, put the stamps on & hang them outside for the mailman & leave the actual thank you notes on the counter.

She will turn on the sauna for me, but leave the door to it wide open.

She baked The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies 5 times before getting it right. (She once put 11 tablespoons of baking soda in instead of cocoa.)

She drops everything, throws a cartwheel right under my chin & can’t remember (after 5 years) to empty her lunchbox when she gets home from school. 🤯

These actually make me laugh now, but honestly, I often do not respond in my ideal way when they happen.

The good news is, I know what the problem is. And it’s not Nadia.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

For me, if I’m not present, my ego reacts before my brain or heart can intercede.

I am a Type A multitasker & always in a rush. When I am doing 3 things at once & fast, my patience is thin.

My patience is the only THIN thing about me. 😆

It’s my ego that has me busy in the first place. Doing.

It’s my ego that wants to be right, control the situation or others, & prioritizes my needs & wants over those around me.

It’s my ego that acts like I am superior or more important than the little people God blessed me with.

Being aware of this is the first step in changing it.

The second is to understand it. The ego is the constant stream of thoughts, judgements & attachments that enhances our self-image to separate us from them. The good from the bad. The right from the wrong.

The ego tries to “protect” us from perceived “threats” to the identity it wants to uphold.

What do you experience when someone questions your intelligence, takes your possessions, or challenges your importance? Do you feel a surge of energy building in you just thinking about it?

That’s the ego.

But if we do not react, or take the ego’s suggestion to “fight back”, what happens?

Have we really lost significance if we do not succumb to the urge to retaliate, or prove our worthiness?

The ego is just a collection of thoughts, & I know I am not my thoughts, so I am also not my ego. I don’t have to take it personally.

Usually, the rub I find with others is also just their ego showing itself as well. Knowing this, I should not take their actions or words personally either!

This is great news! I don’t have to berate myself (or others).

I canNOT declare war on the ego, because that would feed it. The ego loves drama & reactivity. It’s begging for a fight.

Humility is the opposite of ego. Humility is freedom from pride or arrogance; or a modest view of one’s own importance.

I want humility to take over my tongue & actions.

But I HAVE to be present to recognize all this in time to respond correctly, which means I need to slow down. Do less. Especially when my kids are around.

Let’s Work – the exercise

You may not have this problem. Many of you are more relaxed & patient than I am so this may not be your issue.

The goal of today’s message is to

A. make you feel better about yourself by admitting that I mess it up all the time &

B. invite you to take a peek at your most common hurdle.

What trips you up most often? There is usually one thing most of it can be traced back to. Mine is not being present. What is yours?

To reach my full potential as a mother, I need to be strong in spirit, mind & body. Today’s message is another example of putting our own oxygen mask on first. If I’m not in a good place, I cannot be a good mom. What do you need to do to set yourself up for better success?