Arete Warriors – spirit, mind, body strong

Decisions

The Mental Load That No One Sees

There are many “fine lines” for women over 50 but the ones I speak of today are not visible even to the young eyes of those watching us.

I’m talking about the fine lines that only the wisdom of a mother in her second half of life can decipher.

Let’s take the delicate balance between pushing through some discomfort in our workouts, but also listening to our bodies.

That’s IF we even get TO the workout.

We first have to cross the “Push vs. Pause” Line. That whisper of, “You’ll feel better after you move” battling the equally wise, “You actually need rest today.”

One choice sounds disciplined. The other sounds like self-care. Both are right.

And yet somehow, both feel wrong.

There’s a weight we seem to be burdened with by every decision we make.

I woke up this morning at 4. I tried desperately to go back to sleep but gave up around 4:45. I started my day by writing down all the swirling To Dos that had prevented me from going back to sleep.

I also got through some emails and balanced my checkbook. I know people say not to start your day with email but WOW did it feel good to get caught up a bit!

I was feeling pretty good about the progress I’d made before heading downstairs to make sure the kids were up and heading for the cold plunge.

I made it to the Cold Plunge, had the lid off, pillow in place, my phone in the holder with the timer set. I stood there looking down into the cold water … and ALMOST skipped it. 😆

I spend 3 minutes in that tub every morning I am able and as much as I dread getting in, I KNOW I’ll feel better when I get out. And still, I almost talked myself out of it today.

I blame decision fatigue.

I’ve had kids home sick for twelve days straight. Negative COVID tests, Urgent Care and doctor visits… “Just a virus. Could last two weeks!”

Meanwhile, their schools are pinging my inbox with attendance warnings and Nadia can’t get her school iPad to work.

I’m chasing them around with fluids, meds and vitamins, taking temps, asking if they’ve done any available homework, and snuggling when I can.

Oh, and we closed on the old house, my car’s in the shop, and I’ve got 47 micro-missions orbiting my head like caffeinated gnats.

Doesn’t sound like much but let’s take the car bit.

Dealership: “You need front brakes. That’ll be $2,200.”

Me: Texts StarTech for a quote.

StarTech: “$1300.”

Me: Proudly fires back to dealership flaunting the new estimate while simultaneously scheduling with StarTech for Monday.

Dealership: “Oh… We can do $1475.”

Me: “Fine, you already have the car and I have the loaner.” Then I have to text StarTech back to apologize and cancel the appointment I just booked.

Of course, I’m texting Ali between every plot twist: “Yay or nay?” He’s basically my outsourced prefrontal cortex.

I also got a new phone recently. This was challenging enough BEFORE I forgot my master password to my password app. 🫣

Cue no fewer than 10 support emails over the course of a week and massive frustration every time I tried to log in to anything I couldn’t remember the password for.

Speaking of customer support, my hip is cranky and my tens unit went on strike (because I dropped it in the toilet) so I’ve been back and forth with ENSO all week. Still don’t have that fixed.

You get the picture. 47 daily micro-decisions × 12 sick days ÷ 1 semi-functional (hormonal) adult brain = Decision Fatigue.

Every choice chips away at the same mental gas tank.

Let’s Prepare – the warm up

Every one of those small choices — whether to push or pause, give or guard, grind or rest — drains mental energy. Your brain treats all decisions the same, whether you’re choosing a workout or what to make for dinner.

The more decisions you make, the harder it becomes to make good ones later.

So by 4 pm, it’s not that you’ve lost willpower… you’ve just used up your daily decision quota.

That’s why asking in the evening, “Should I work out or skip it?” feels monumental when at 7 am it was easy. It’s not weakness, it’s brain chemistry.

Moms, especially, live in constant micro-decision mode. AND you’re not just deciding for yourself, you’re making everyone’s decisions:

• Who needs a snack?

• Who’s wearing what?

• Who needs a ride, a form signed, a pep talk, or a consequence?

By the end of the day, you’re a walking, talking, emotionally-spent decision tree and when you finally get a moment alone, your brain just wants to be idle.

That’s when you end up scrolling instead of stretching, snacking instead of sitting with your thoughts, and promising yourself you’ll do better tomorrow.

Every choice we make — to rest or push, to scroll or stretch, to care for ourselves or everyone else — uses energy.

Decision fatigue is real. According to Google,

Let’s Work – the exercise

The key isn’t to eliminate the fine lines, but to draw fewer of them each day by deciding what truly matters ahead of time.

This is where formulating habits can be life changing. Imagine not having to spend ANY energy deciding whether or not to clean the kitchen before bed. Especially if the whole family is involved in this routine!

Many hands make light work.

Imagine the mental energy saved daily if working out is just a habit. It’s not a decision that has to be made. The only choosing involved is what and when, but not IF.

Rituals and rules beat willpower every time.

If it’s a family rule there’s no screen time until chores and homework are done, you won’t have to tightrope-walk between “cool mom” and “mean mom.” Johnny can’t even ask until the room’s clean and the math sheet’s signed. Boom—one less debate, zero guilt, and a whole chunk of brainpower back in your pocket.

Another way to save mental energy is to simplify meals. A few go-to meals on repeat frees up brain space for bigger decisions.

Ditch perfection. You’re not lazy for choosing ease. You’re wise for protecting your mental bandwidth. Forgive the flops.

Pre-decide rest. Schedule downtime with the same authority you give appointments. You don’t have to earn recovery. You plan for it.

Outsource ruthlessly. This includes empowering your husband and kids to help out! Remember, you want your kids to grow up to be good roommates someday.

Where do you see YOUR biggest Area Of Opportunity? Is there a habit that would help free up some energy daily? Is there someone you can hire to help take something off your plate?

It’s not lazy! It’s rationing neurons. Save them for the big stuff, like deciding which kid gets the last cookie.